Starting with the most trivial, Granny tried to get pricelists from London hostelries to try and work out the mechanics of the largeish bar tab. This request was declined for Health and Safety reasosns. Eh?
We move onto stab proof vests. Plod reckoned he would save a bit of dosh by measuring the boys in blue up for these in house as opposed to letting the manufacturer do it. He stuffs up - I mean how hard is reading a tape measure? - and we are in the cart to the tune of $2.7mill. There are about 6500 policemen in New Zealand that means it cost $415 to run the tape measure over the gut of a fed. I want the contract.
The real madness winner this morning however comes from a more familiar source - bloody climate change. How to win friends and influence people - especially the Kiwi bloke. Outlaw the beer fridge and large flatscreen TVs. This is what Botox & Tooth Whitening Woman and the rest of the loonies have said will happen so that we can save the vast sum of $64million dollars. That piffling amount wouldn't keep Dougie in Krug for a week. For crying out loud stop this bloody nonsense. If these dements really think keeping 60 inch TVs out of the country is going to save anything let alone the planet then they are madder than even I thought they were.
There is a faint glimmer of hope on the horizon. A Judge in the UK has decreed that if schools are to show Al Gore's fantasy film it must be preceeded by a health warning from sensible people (like me) who now have the unfortunate apellation of 'climate deniers' This judgemnt cost the plaintiff $600,000 in legal fees. That is decades of plasma screens.
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