What haven't we heard of recently?

All sorts of things, I suppose. I haven't heard a good fondue recipe for a decade or two (thank God). Shane Warne had disappeared off the planet but recently resurfaced looking like an effeminate stick. What ever happened to the paperless office? Martin Luther hasn't had much to say for himself of late; but I suppose he has an excuse being as he's been dead for over five hundred years. Anthropogenic global warming. Where's that been hiding?

Remember AGW? It was all the go, ooh, only a couple of years ago. The weird beards of the world were telling us all that the end of the world was just around the corner and it was all due to polluting the atmosphere with carbon dioxide. My running of several four litre cars was principally to blame. We had 'air miles' on imported fruit and veg in Europe so the socially responsible could buy carrots on the basis of how much fuel they used to get to Waitrose's shelves. There was a never ending stream of similar bollocks which the great unwashed swallowed hook line and sinker.

Al Gore touted his corpulent carcass all over the globe and told porkies to anyone who would listen. We had heads of government and captains industry prostrating themselves at the altar of the Almeister. Countries started wasting billions of hard earned cash on Emission Trading Schemes and Carbon Taxes. And so it went on. And still goes on I think. It was bollocks then and its bollocks now. Al Gore gets fatter and richer by the week and even scored himself the Nobel Peace Prize. Give me a break.

All this alarmist bullshit got the highest possible press profile. The Royal New Zealand Herald even used to run The Green Pages where breathless cub reporters would extol the virtues of tofu fuelled power stations and public transport. I say used to as they no longer run this rubbish. We no longer hear of Indian Ocean atolls disappearing beneath the waves. Where are all the stories of polar bear deaths and melting ice caps? These were once the darling stories of the popular press. They are no longer fashionable, they are no longer even heard of.

And why is that? It is because it was, and still is, all bullshit. As we shall see all this trendy ecobabble is being destroyed by some inconvenient truths which come to us as facts. Funny that. But is the realisation that the emperor has no clothes (and if that emperor is the Al Meister, what a hideous image that conjours up) getting the headlines the bullshit received? No.

The emissions trading scam. We here in the Land of the Long White Confidence Trick have bought into this. You know, buy and sell stuff that does not exist on the promise that if you make some more you've already paid for it and planted a tree so there won't efectively be more of it because you bought it off someone who had lots anyway and we save the planet. Sound like a scam? Well of course it does because it is. Carbon markets (save me) are closing down wholesale because it is reckoned that 90% of the trade is fraudulent. Got that? 90%.

The great white whale Al Gore, stood up and said in 2007, 2008 and 2009 that the entire North Polar Ice cap would be gone by the summer of 2014. Ludicrous though it sounded people believed him and stuck pins in wax models of Bugatti Veyrons. The polar ice caps are in fact expanding. Sure at this time of year they get smaller because it is Northern Hemisphere summer and we have one of those every year. Its the time when Al goes North to take pictures of polar bears clinging to melting ice floes; these photos to be released in January, of course to 'prove' his point. Sorry, but overall polar ice caps are bigger. Is Al Gore in jail? Next cell to Bernie Madoff would be good.

The underlying cause of all this predicted mayhem is the computer model predictions that all this carbon dioxide pollution will allow less heat to escape from the atmosphere. It all gets reflected back by this evil greenhouse gas. We've been through all the water vapour stuff before so I won't tire my fingers with it all again. If you don't understand, then Google is your friend. Well these computer predicitions are just that - mathematical modelling of what might happen. Right up there in the precision stakes with knitting fog. What about some boring old data, you know actually measuring stuff that really is happening.

Well NASA has done a bit of that with some of their satellites and stuff. NASA is good at satellites and stuff. And I'll tell you what, data over the last eleven years (so we are not talking an astronaut sticking his finger out of the space shuttle window here) has shown that the atmosphere is releasing far more heat than the doomsday computer projections would have had us believe. Well there's a shock (a bit of sarcasm thrown in there). The discrepancy between the predictions and the observations is most marked over the oceans. So there's more greenhouse bollocks down the pan. The central plank of the alarmist global warming theory has just been proven to be a complete and utter crock.

But what will we hear of this in the mainstream media? Nuffink. You could have Anders Breivik debating the alarmist case armed with nothing but bullshit against Pippa Middleton armed with a wheelbarrow full of data confounding his every preposterous claim and the papers would still report that Obald is wrecking the planet every time the XKR leaves the garage.

Keep going, we'll get there.

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Several birds with one stone

Never look a gift horse in the mouth so when a video like this comes along one is obliged to use it.

Just watch the first two minutes - the rest is a waste of space

I

This has so many learning points. Julia Gillard has a hideous voice. She could knock on my door to tell me she was giving me a DB9 for being a nice bloke and I would shoo her away just to stop the pain in my ears. She is a politician and a perfectly calm lady calls her (quite correctly) a liar and it phases her not a jot. 'Yes I said that and now I'm doing something else - so what?' 'I said that during the election campaign, but that was just to get me elected and I would say that the sun rose in the West if I had to. It has no relevance to what I do now. Yes I'm taxing you on the back of a complete crock, why? Because I can and I know best.' And so it goes on. It is absolutely unbelievable except that it is how these clowns operate. And I was very impressed how the grey haired lady never once lost her cool.

Now for the subtle stuff. Notice how she can say carbon is a pollutant with a straight face. Only politicians can do that. And check out the goon standing behind her left shoulder. The absolutely bog standard yes man. I'm unsure how he stands up being he is an invertebrate. What a plonker; he should hand in his man badge forthwith.

So is this political bollocks purely something one can observe in a Brisbane shopping centre? Well of course not. In September 2009 Phil Goof said, and I quote, a capital gains tax 'doesn’t immediately appeal to us as a key priority for any incoming government'. Not two hours ago he announced Labour's tax package with as a central plank a capital gains tax. Quelle surprise.

I suppose that is not quite so bad as he has zero chance of having anything to do with an incoming government in the foreseeable future.

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Seasonal Climate Change Crap

A few weeks off during the Festive Season and other goings on around Obald Acres so why not amuse one's self for a minute or two with a spot of blogging.

I have my brother visiting from the UK at the moment (vide supra) and he is due to fly back to the frozen North on Thursday in order that he may partake of his mince pies in a more traditional Yuletide climate. But wait, it is not that at all. There are polar bears in Oxford Street, the British Prime Minister is at his weekend igloo and the 0843 from Penge really is cancelled because of snow drifts. There is every chance that brother will not be able to return to Heathrow on Thursday at all 'cos Heathrow is closed. As is Gatwick and Stanstead and for all I know that Johnny come lately, London City Airport. This is not because the National Union of Airport Bog Cleaners is on strike it is because the UK has ground to halt under snowfalls of biblical proportions. Worst (or best if you are eyeing up Boxhill with your toboggan) snowfall in Britain for decades. Global warming my arse.

But the idiot warmists are not so easily shot down. 'You deniers really don't understand the difference between climate and weather'. Condescending pratts. Well, you bleeding fools I'll tell you what the difference between climate and weather is in your warped parallel universe. When it gets hotter it is climate and when it is unusually cold it has to be weather.

Why the hell do we waste food on these morons?

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A house of cards...........

...........built on a foundation of quicksand.



As my focus on life turns to rain (or lack thereof) as is right and proper at this time of year, other things pertaining to weather and its big brother, climate, continue to make headlines.



I'm doing pretty well for water considering the last week has seen the first smatterings of the wet stuff since well before Christmas. At about 80% in the main tank and the barn tank which can be bought into play if needed courtesy of a cunning connection and one of Mr Grundfos' finest is just about full. The stream for water around the property is babbling away and his Grundfos is doing the business about five hours a day to keep the tank by the front gate as it should be. No, I'm a happy water chappy and the summer weather suits well at the moment.



Lots of weather over a long period of time is climate and things around this are not going so swimmingly if you are of the warmist persuasion. Their entire bullshit snake oil operation is falling apart at the seams. But you wouldn't know it if you relied solely on the mainstream media for your news. Nothing has hit the six o'clock News concerning the latest climb down by the IPCC concerning a piece of unadulterated crap published under their auspices. In their 2007 report on the state of the globe they claimed that the Himalayan glaciers would be gone by 2035.

Think about it. Some of these babies are hundreds of metres deep. You couldn't melt that with all the bunsen burners in the world in twenty five years. Anyway, for years this piece of utter nonsense was left to be accepted as the truth. After all it came from the IPCC and they are jolly clever and connected to the UN which can do no wrong - all the usual crap the great unwashed have been brainwashed to accept. All accepted as gospel until the little boy pipes up that the emperor has no clothes. Someone has been digging around to find the peer reviewed evidence that Nepal is going to be transformed into a lake in my lifetime. Surprise, surprise there ain't none. It got onto a IPPC tablet of stone by being a telephone conversation to some bloke down the pub. The guy who wrote the report considered it be sufficiently alarmist that it might put the willy up a few Asian governments so in it went.

Eventually IPCC Chairperson, Dr Pachauri, has admitted that the Himalayas stuff is all bullshit. By the way have you seen this joker - makes Svengali look positively avuncular. Yet another example of scientific duplicitousness and economy with the truth and what do we see of it in the Herald? Nuffink.

Someone doing God's work is having a go that the claims of the warmists that an increase in hurricanes and cyclones are a direct byproduct of Veyrons streaking down the autobahns. More of this later.

Even thought we are not hearing of it, chip, chip, chip the whole thing will fall over and we can have our money back. I want to spend it my way and I have lots of ideas.

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A post post Carbonhagen

The result of the eye wateringly expensive farce in Denmark is being universally slammed as a total non result. A triumph of spin over substance is being despaired of by warmists the world over. The haven't got what they wanted - all of us in the 'west' living in caves and giving all our expensive overpowered British sports cars to subsistence farmers in Mali - and they are blaming the 'West' for their own private disaster.

Apparently this is not so and we have China to thank for nothing economically crippling for the solution of a non-problem coming out of the aptly frozen North. Do not play poker with men whose staple diet is rice and not potatoes, they are much better at it than you or I will ever be. China saying no to everything loony (and that after all was pretty much all of it) at Carbonhagen and making it look as though the Obama Messiah was the problem was just the latest trick in a line of centuries of Chinese diplomacy that leaves us round eyes flailing around impotently. I like the Chinese.

Meanwhile I have been directed to masterful piece of anal attention to detail setting out the thirty year saga that culminated in the 'Climategate' leak of emails a month ago. This is no smoking gun but a ticking time bomb with a fuse decades long.

Down load this, get a very large monitor, zoom it up to comfy size, grab a mince pie and a glass of egg nog and read your fill. It is pure gold.

30 years of Bullshit

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Link Fortnight continues

Now, I am a simple man. I don't regard myself as terminally stupid but I really struggle to understand the sort of minds that can come up with this serpentine nonsense as reported in the UK's Daily Telegraph.

Seriously large amounts of money not going in my pocket

It is quite beyond my comprehension how anyone could come up with such a mind boggling scheme involving such huge amounts of cash, people's lives and general mendacity all to turn a dollar. Check out the bit that it all can't be stopped by the UK because it is against the EU's rules against state interference - in their own bloody country for God's sake.

Think I'll mow the big lawn tomorrow.

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Another link

If this is going to be link day/week/fortnight we had better have a bit of Monckton. There is a shedload of him on the web but this is the latest I can find. It is his talk in Berlin and looks to have been last week. He is certainly no graphic artist as his slides are dreadful on the aesthetic front (they look like Indian ransom notes) but their content is the thing. And he uses a Mac.

Monckton and his garish slides

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It might as well be link day/week/fortnight

A small hiatus in the fields and the harder you look the easier it is to find links on the interweb to good stuff that flies in the face of the Warmist Crap.

Here is good letter from some blokes who appear to know what they are talking about to someone who patently doesn't.

http://www.copenhagenclimatechallenge.org/

Have a look at the '10 Questions' (and, more imporatantly, the answers) when you've finished the letter.

I think I'll add more interesting links as and when I run across them. Think of it as a public service.

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A graph or two at lunchtime

Instead of just bleating on that I think all the anthropogenic global warming bollocks is bollocks (which it is) I thought you ought to be able to make up your own mind. As we have seen you ain't going to get anything like proper data from the main stream media as they are too busy in church worshipping at the Altar of Doom.

Over the last couple of weeks there has at last been a plethora of places where you can go (and I don't mean Penrose) to find proper stuff to read. Monckton has a set of slides you can down load and there is the Darwin Airport stuff. Very bad is the Darwin Airport stuff I can assure you.

Anyway here is a link that will give you something to think about over lunch - it even includes a trip to Darwin.

http://web.me.com/sinfonia1/Clamour_Of_The_Times/Clamour_Of_The_Times/Entries/2009/12/8_What_the_UK_Met_Office_is_Not_Telling_Us.html

You can't read this and or anything else of its ilk and still think you should give more money to Mugabe. Surely you can't.

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Did I expect anything different?

Well Copenhagen is up and running. They've run out of limos (had to get extras shipped in from Sweden) and there are more private jets than you could wave a tofu burger at. Not that they'll be dining on tofu these tossers who would save us from ourselves. Whilst we are being told to buy bikes and stout boots they are living the life of Riley sucking on the international junket teat. Whilst these wallies are in Denmark they are apparently going to generate more CO2 than Morocco will for the whole year. Now I don't give a toss who generates how much CO2 but it is a nice comment on the hypocrisy of the whole thing. And whilst we are on hypocrisy, how come New Zealand's few cows are a threat to mankind with all their farting and the like when India's squillion cows are a 'cultural icon' (did I really type that?) with all their farting and the like?

And if tonight's coverage by the 6 O'clock News is anything to go by we are in for a fortnight (a fortnight, for God's sake) of the most biased and nauseating commentary on anything since Leni Reifenstahl stopped doing the German News sixty odd years ago.

The fact that this anthropogenic global warming bollocks has got any traction at all is thanks to a sycophantic mainstream media doing the bidding of its political masters. Shonky science and a fawning press - perfect. But by even their standards the coverage of the first day in Denmark was spectacular. We had that dramatic video of a child hanging on to tree as a storm blew around her and flood waters rose to pluck her from her precarious grip on life. I wish the tide would hurry up and put us all out of our misery. This is irresponsible Hollywood bullshit of the first degree. It has absolutely nothing to do with anything and is just aired for all the wrong reasons - a striking dramatic effect and that is all. We then had some Scandihooligan Woman who is Chairman, oops sorry - Chairperson, of the whole thing telling us it was our last chance to save the planet. If we don't act now it will be too late. No waiting until next Thursday it all has to be sorted now. Crap.

There were appeals to the delegates of the world from children from the Maldives. I mean they could not get this crap any more corny if they tried. But I bet you they will try. Over the next couple of weeks we will have videos of polar bears falling off ice floes (they can swim, you know) endless pictures of factory chimneys (main effluent that nasty dangerous steam stuff) and so on.

We are in for endless weird beards telling us 'the science is settled' whilst the scientists what settled it all are being investigated for telling porkies. But that doesn't matter; because the science is settled. And even people who would like to perhaps make up their own mind over what to think won't be allowed to as the main stream media will keep spewing out the party line - we are doomed unless we all go and live in caves.

And already we have had the first inkling of the rather sinister underlying real reason for all this crap. Already an African country (Ghana I think) has demanded (well you wouldn't ask nicely, would you?) that the evil developed 'West' gives loadsa dosh to the third world as we are exploiting them. Redistribution of wealth, anyone? That's the real reason for all this. I give eit till the end of the week before we get any mention of a bit of global government - oops, sorry, governance. No, I think I probably meant government.

Is Copenhagen the last chance to save the planet? You bet it is. If we don't throw all this bollocks out we most certainly are doomed. You thought you could now buy whatever bloody light bulb you wanted because you very sensibly gave Helen Clark the bums rush last year. You ain't seen nothing yet. She'll be back with an even bigger stick to insist you buy the light bulb she wants you to buy. Because New Zealand law won't matter a toss when it is outranked by Helen from New York.

Britain is gone. If you live in the UK the rules under which you live are made, not in Westminster but, Brussels. Don't believe me? Remember last week the NZ Rugby Union thought it might be a good idea for shagged out All Blacks to go back and play for their country of origin in the twilights of their careers to help their Alumnus out. Jerry Collins going back to play for wherever he comes from - that sort of thing. England vetoed the idea as it was against European Union regulations. I've no idea how it was against EU regulations, but it was.

They play a lot of top class rugby in Belgium. They buy a lot of light bulbs in New York.

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Well, they been gone and done it

Just a couple of hours ago and the muppets in Wellington passed the damned Emissions Trading Scheme bizzo. Only Rodney Perky Hide had the balls to stand up and say they we didn't need any such thing but Pinko Smith just had the numbers and we are now on the fast track to the poor house. And we are on our way there for no reason. We have bought into the biggest scam in human history. And we bought into it during the very week that the whole thing is starting to unravel. But bloody Nick Smith couldn't wait could he? The arrogant little prick is right and the rest of the sensible world is wrong and we have this crap pushed through under sodding 'urgency' on the back of bullshit science that Smith believes so we have to. Well I dont and you have just made me the poorer, you git. We can now walk proudly into the talk fest in Denmark next month to hear the world sniggering at our stupidity. Our embarrassment will only be compounded when the iwi members we are taking with us as part of Pinky Nick's muskets and blankets deal start on the obligatory haka. God, we're a joke.

It is a great shame that I am to become a pauper at my stage of life as I really, really want a DB9. Now thanks to a bunch of idiots, some of whom who got my vote, I have to chose between a loaf of bread and an Aston Martin. I wasn't hungry anyway.

A plague of frogs on the lot of them - especially Nick Pinko Pseudo-Nat Smith. I'm off to rob a bank.

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Normal service has been resumed

A year and a couple of weeks. Well it had to come to an end I suppose but NZ politics has drifted back into its bad old habits over the last couple of days; and it looks like it is going to get worse. We've had a year of the gummint doing stuff I pretty much approved of and then bloody Nick Smith (Doctor of what, pray) comes along and stuffs it up. All the ingredients of a right royal cock up New Zealand style are on display.

Damned Nick Smith is in the wrong party for openers. His behaviour over the last couple of days has been the sort of stuff Labour or the watermelons would be proud of. He is a disgrace to National and has to go. He has brought back the spectre of passing stuff under urgency that is in no way urgent. This stupid Emission Trading Scheme (ETS) is a garbage piece of legislation based on a garbage premise, based on garbage science (more of this later) that will deliver a garbage result - a f. expensive garbage result to boot. Bad enough yet? Wait there is more. To get this piece of unnecessary crap legislation through parliament under ersatz urgency he has sold muskets and blankets to the Maoris. Now I couldn't give a rats arse how much DOC land Smith gives to anybody (they run about 70% of the country so there's heaps to spare) to plant trees on. Who cares? They could do something more useful with it, like put an aluminium smelter on it, but if they want to fill it up with radiata that's fine by me. They can all prance around and pretend they are still in the 1830's amongst the pine trees to their hearts content. I don't care. They can take their snake oil carbon credits and sell them to Burkino Faso and I couldn't give a continental. But what really gets up my nose is that both sides of the deal (the Nats and Maori) are buying and selling policy. The Maori a month or so back wouldn't have a bar of an ETS. A few crates of fire water and a couple of mirrors and they are over it like a rash. The highly principled Nats were above the low life Labourites flogging off policy to anyone who would buy. Or they were until psuedo-Nat Smith gets the keys to the policy box.

And who is letting Nick Smith carry on like this? John Key, that's who. I had hoped that John Key was going to be the one who would at last run around shouting that the emperor has no clothes in the climate change department. I'm sure that at one point in the not too distant past he was agnostic at worst and seem to recall some encouraging signs of scepticism. However he had a private audience with the Gore Monster and came out a changed man. Well he has timed his conversion to the dark side of lunacy very poorly. He is the one who can stop Smith plunging this country into financial ruin for no reason and it doesn't look as though he will do it.

What is the bloody hurry to get this stupid bill passed? The Copenhagen conference next month ain't going to come to a consensus on anything because, as we shall see in a minute, potential fatal cracks are starting to appear in the IPCC. Many former warmists are saying 'Hang on a minute, maybe things aren't as we were led to believe'. Conned to believe, more like. So we don't need to front up in Denmark being the leaders of anything. Key has said that if we don't have a new ETS in place we are obliged to follow Labour's legacy ETS the details of which I have mercifully forgotten. I remember enough to know that it was a fiscal disaster though. Crap. All we have to do is replace Labour's ETS with absolutely nothing. That'll do very nicely - oh and build a couple of fossil fuel fired power stations while you are at it.

Timing is everything. All this climate change politicking is in the very week when all the leaked emails from the climate doom merchants have come to light. The litany of deception, lying, massaging of data, main stream media manipulation, crippling of the scientific peer review process - the list is endless - make any remaining science the IPPC and the sable hued minions of satan cling to like a shit soiled security blanket totally worthless. Even if any of the science was any good it is now so tainted as to make it totally worthless.

I trust we are all up to speed on the stuff from the Norfolk Broads. What appears to have emerged is that (a) the scientists have been manipulating the raw temperature figures to show a relentlessly rising global warming trend; (b) they have consistently refused outsiders access to the raw data; (c) the scientists have been trying to avoid freedom of information requests; and (d) they have been discussing ways to prevent papers by dissenting scientists being published in learned journals

But do we hear of this? Do we buggery. The bloody media are shielding even this from us. A few lines that there might have been a few naughty emails around but move along nothing to see here and please look at this footage of the Antarctic ice shelf getting smaller. There was actually a bit of this on the news tonight as a background to comments from a weird beard wearing an ethnic motive shirt. This makes me feel ill and it is cruel and unnatural punishment to show me this bollocks when I am trying to eat my dinner. The aforementioned current most evil man in the country, Nick Smith, was confronted by the collapse of the science his political chicanery is based on and he just laughed it off. His reply was typical of the left wing bigot that he obviously is. 'It doesn't coincide with my opinion or what I want to think and it is therefore wrong'.

I'm not happy. I had a year of not having to worry about what happened in Wellington but it has all come back again. But look on the bright side. That bloody woman is still in New York. I'm afraid even that doesn't cheer me up that much.

I know. I wonder if I can arrange for John Key to have a private audience with Lord Monckton before Friday.

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Where's my share?

I am in Dairy Flat half an hour north of Auckland. It is nearly the end of the first week of October. And it's bloody freezing. Snow in October. Cars stranded on the Napier-Taupo Highway. Lambs dying wholesale. The ground so bloody wet that I couldn't run the tractor if I wanted to venture out into the cold so to do.

I run two four litre cars, a farm bike and a 42HP diesel tractor. I have barn full of fossil fuel wasting power tools; chainsaws, chippers, hedge trimmers - the works. I run a lathe, a pedestal drill and a bandsaw. I go fishing on a boat with two 600HP Ivecos. I have just flown to Europe and back. I use electricity like there is no tomorrow. I just don't care - I leave all my computers and TVs (deliberate and truthful use of plurals) running on standby. I have the spa pool always at 40°C just in case I need a dip after a long afternoon of agricultural toil. I have three phase power to my barn - just in case (I'm not sure in case of what - I might need to do a bit of smelting some day, I suppose). I'm typing this with a couple of lights on when I really only need the one. And I have a bloody fan heater running. I also need to have the electric blanket warming the bed so I can run there as soon as possible and jump in without an irrevocable shock to my body temperature homeostasis.

As you can see I'm doing my bit to wreck the planet - and proud of it.

So where is my share of global warming? I want it and I want it now.

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Stalking and other sorts of horses

After a thankful hiatus of a month or two I am dragged back to climate change. There has been a recent flurry of news on this front in the last day or two with New Zealand, amongst other countries, announcing its 'emission reduction' targets up to some date. 2020 I think - I really couldn't care less.

Before we carry on let us not waste time on the science. You will recall that there ain't none in the warmist's favour. Not a jot. Nuffink. Diddly sqaut. Zero. Stupid computer modelling that couldn't model its way out of a paper bag aplenty, but a big fat donut in the fact department. You will also recall that the planet hasn't warmed at all in the last seven years. Bloody nuisance, I know, but them's the breaks. We've been down this road so many times I'm bored with it. You either believe me or you don't. And if you don't it is vanishingly unlikely you would be wasting your time reading this anyway.

The National Government disappoints me greatly in its announcement of today that we will be shooting for a 10-15% reduction in something. Carbon? Jelly beans? Sabre tooth tigers? I dunno. Anyway this reduction will 'only' cost every man woman and child in New Zealand $1400 per annum. What a snip. From now until the man with the long beard and scythe turns up at my front door with his clipboard I can throw $1400 down the dunny every year confident I am helping save the planet. 'Cos a government told me I was. Terrific. If you think I am buying into that sort of crap you can think again. Oh, and as well as the dosh we have to reduce the size of our dairy herds 'cos all the cows break wind too often. The farmers are into this like a robber's dog - not. And we have to swap the automotive horsepower for the type with tails. Where am I going to find stabling for 390 horses? Mind numbingly stupid, all of it.

$1400 a year for every man, woman and child eh? How are the kids going to find their $1400? Sausage sizzles? BarBQs to save the planet from evil CO₂. Brilliant. Where will the OAPs get their $1400? The full time career beneficiaries (and we aren't sort of them) aren't going to have a spare $1400 at the end of the year after they've bought their beer and Sky subscriptions are they? I'll tell you who is going to pay for the kids, oldies and idle. It'll be you and me, the compliant taxpayer. I reckon today's estimate of $1400 per head will be looking more like four or five grand a pop for those of us who actually earn our crust.

What is becoming apparent to even the terminally stupid, however, is the blindingly obvious truth that all this global warming bollocks has less to do with science and everything to do with politics and nasty left wing politics at that.

I said earlier on that Nick Smith and the Nats have disappointed royally over all this but they may have been more cunning than I give them credit for. We are only in the gun for this economically stupid reduction of bullshit stuff that matters not a toss if the rest of the world signs up for it at a meeting in Copenhagen or somewhere equally not very warm later in the year. If those well known anthropogenic global warming disciples China and India don't sign up we can walk away and say 'Love to help, but the dog ate me homework'. Well India have already said that they are as interested in all this crap as they are in getting rid of all their cows so there ain't going to be a big bit of paper with subcontinent signatures on it in Denmark in November.

So we might yet be alright.

But that's just us. There are an increasing number of theories circulating that the damned IPCC is just a front for much more evil fings at the UN. Tuvalu disappearing (which it isn't) is just a stalking horse for the real thing. World governance (read government) and redistribution of wealth on a global scale. Helen Clark is the third most powerful in the UN to hand out blankets in the Congo? I don't think so. She got the job in New York because John Key wrote a nice note to the Korean bloke? Or she got it because it was the sort of thing her and her international socialist mates had been working towards for the best part of thirty years? Would they be interested in undeveloping the developed countries to make every person on the earth equal? You bet they would.

I'm not a conspiracy theorist but there has to be a good reason why all this climate non science has grown such legs. As the evidence accumulates that the warmists predictions are a load of crap the obfuscation by the Al Gores of the world are getting louder and more unbalanced. Even in the face of a rising tide of fact the warmists as a group are still winning as they have captured the mainstream media. Surely their tide will start going out soon.

Oh, and who else is winning? The fat slug himself. When Al Gore left proper politics he was worth US$2 million. He is now worth $US120 million. I'd lie through my teeth for half that.

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Is no one immune?

When I entered my chosen profession, far too many years ago now, I did so in full expectation that the number of complete plonkers I would meet on my side of the fence would be kept to a minimum. For nigh on forty years this expectation has been fulfilled. I've come across, in general, very few total tossers. A few irritating sods, the odd thicko (mercifully not many of these which is a good thing considering the line of work I'm in), an uncoordinated being who couldn't tie his shoe laces let alone remove an appendix in a timely and safe fashion or two (these can easily be shifted off into paediatric virology or something equally useless and harmless) but by and large the medical profession is populated by reasonably intelligent people who think in straight lines and are personable to boot.

I am therefore unsure whether I am grateful or not to Mr Rockhopper. Mr R is a blast from the past who used to read this nonsense in it's previous life as 'Granny Herald' on fishing.net.nz He sent me a link to a story from the Times of London that blows all the above out of the water.

Any article that starts off 'Doctors are neglecting their duty by staying silent on the issue of climate change and its implications for public health, a leading doctor warns.' gets my attention and a vomit bowl. There are doctors who are complete and utter imbecilic wankers after all. The illusions of youth shattered by twenty four words. It gets worse by the line. The tosser who is quoted is one Sir Muir Gray. How can you take anything seriously that is the opinion of someone named after an anchor winch? He's already right up there with Alamein Kopu and a bloke I knew called Remy who really was named after a bottle of cognac. This dement used to be 'Chief Knowledge Officer for the National Health Service'. What the bloody hell is a 'knowledge officer'? And why do you have to have two or more so there is a chief one? No wonder the NHS is in dire straits if they are spending money on 'knowledge officers'. Anyway, Sir Anchor Winch is the full monty when it comes to climate change bollocks.

Before we delve further into this crap we'll have a go at the first sentence shall we? This wally is telling me that I'm neglecting my duty. To whom, pray tell? If you are suggesting the object of my neglect is my patients I'll rearrange your face for you with a Louisville Slugger. Wait a minute he's not talking to me after all as I am not 'staying silent'. I am shouting from the rooftops 'Anthropogenic global warming is a load of lefty political bollocks'. Got that, Sir Capstan? It's crap. Read my lips. Rubbish, tosh. bullshit. Plain enough yet?

OK, we've got that out of the way. What other pearls of wisdom (sic) does the foredeck appendage have for us? He continues thus: “doctors are effectively silent on the health threat that will come to define our age”. We've done the first bit. The second bit is beyond belief. Having read it many times I still cannot believe that it comes from the mind of a bloke who has a fully registrable medical degree. Climate change is a 'health threat'? Long bows don't even get close to it. Multi antibiotic resistant bacteria sprayed all over immunocompromised people I'd grant the appellation 'health threat' but not a warm summer and a shortened ski season. Pink Floyd (or even Sir Donald Bradman) define an age but never in a million years will a load of political hijacking of bogus science do so.

We move on - hellfire this is a struggle. 'Sir Running Backstay's warning follows the findings of a climate change commission from University College London, published in The Lancet, which identified a raft of public health implications that will come with global warming including patterns of disease and mortality, food security, water and sanitation and extreme events.' If we've been through the total insanity of yet another commission once we've been through it a hundred times, but what the hell is it doing getting published in the Lancet? This weekly journal is not peer reviewed (obviously not by me) but has had the reputation of being a very high standard medical newspaper. Their article selection is done by a small number of 'wise men' and The Lancet is where things get published in short order because they bypass the lengthy (months/years) peer review process. Well, the wise men must have taken to meeting in the boozer. This crap has no place in a reputable medical journal.

The Times reports this inclusion into the Lancet 'a call to arms' and it comes on the eve of a Nobel Laureates Symposium to be held in London to which the newspaper is a 'media partner'; surprise, surprise. It has been well known for years the the main stream media has been worshipping at the Temple of Albert but now The Thunderer is trying to drag me in with them. I won't come, I tell you.

Can you imagine the levels of nausea the Nobel Laureates Symposium could generate? Twenty three senile winners of gongs for literature, mathematics, economics, physiology etc discussing things they know nothing about. All being reported in glowing and totally non critical terms by a fawning press as 'fact', 'consensus', 'learned opinion' and on and on for ever.

A sad day. I thought the medical profession was smart enough to steer clear of all this but it looks as though, as a group, we have fallen. But rest assured that in a far flung corner of the Empire I'll stay true to commonsense.

Sir Starboard Genoa Sheet, you are a disgrace to our profession.

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I thought we were over this

I suppose the source of the worst smells often resides just around the bend and to to weed it out you have to resort to the extra strong Harpic and the super long bendy brush but I thought all the carbon neutral crap was gone. This was released at 0400 this morning from the bowels of the earth in Wellygogs that is the centre for such rot.

The Government is moving to establish university courses in measuring the carbon footprint of primary products.
Agriculture Minister David Carter said the Government was seeking proposals from universities to establish a professorship and courses in “life-cycle science”. It would provide $1.5 million over five years.
Mr Carter said overseas consumers were increasingly demanding to know the environmental impact of their food.
“Our ‘clean green’ image is our most valuable marketing tool, and the work carried out under this initiative will underpin that image with science.”
The Ministry of Agriculture and Forestry is seeking proposals by February 13, with an announcement on the successful university in March. The professorship will be 95 per cent Government-funded in the first year, reducing to 25 per cent by the fifth year.
From year six, the initiative would need to be self-sufficient.

At first I thought it must have been a left over press release from the last mob. Someone was clearing out the vaults for Xmas and found it under the pile of tofu wrappers and hemp shirts. But no, David Carter is the Agriculture Minister for the good guys. This is just not bloody good enough. I didn't wreck the planet by driving the supercharged V8 to Dairy Flat school a few Saturdays back to place my tick in the correct boxes to get this sort of bollocks. I voted to stop this crap and not to continue it. I shall write to John Key this instant and get him to give Carter a right good slapping and a pull through with a mince pie.

Whilst searching for the latest background stuff on Carbon Neutrality (vomit, barff, chunder) I came across the disturbing, but not altogether surprising, fact that there is a carbon.org.nz website. It is truly awful. Featured in their home page is all sorts of carbon neutral garbage including a carbon neutral wedding. The bride's name was Melissa (I know a couple of them - they're OK) but the groom soldiers on through life with Olmec as his label. Sounds like a oil field supplies company - but him being a carbon neutral loony he almost certainly is no such thing. The nuptials were held at the family farm near the 'carbon plantation' which in my book would be a coal mine. So this bloke is marrying Melissa on a slag heap. Guests came from all over the show including the USA and El Salvador - bet they didn't come on the same plane. To 'offset' this travel guests were encouraged to plant a tree from a selection of saplings on offer. It makes me squirm just to think of such rubbish. Vol au vents filled with alfalfa , hairy armpits, recycled car tyre sandals, wind powered barby - enough all ready.

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A glimmer of hope

Slowly but surely the fog surrounding the anthropogenic global warming tosh appears to be lifting. The surest sign yet was Nick Smith (I think) declaring this morning that the days of 'carbon neutrality rhetoric' are over. No longer will New Zealand be striving to be 'world leader' in this garbage. Well thank god for that. No longer will we be a laughing stock as we struggle to attain an impossible goal. No more chasing moonbeams. It was a bit like aiming to be a chocolate teapot or a plate glass bicycle pump.

In recent days we have had the scrapping of the compulsory biofuels rubbish and the restoration of the choice on what light bulbs we buy. This last bit was reaffirmed in Parliament this afternoon by Blimp Brownlee using words like 'energy consumption' instead of the 'saving the planet' and 'leaving the earth for our children to inherit' garbage we have become used to from those sitting at the Speaker's right hand.

In the same statement as the abandonment of 'carbon neutrality' was the affirmation that we would be following the more pragmatic sort of energy saving line that that well known right winger (not) Kevin the Roach Look Alike espoused over the ditch yesterday. The Aussies are going for 5% decrease of something by a nebulous date at some point suitably way off in the distance. This in place of reducing all greenhouse gases by 99.7% come next Thursday which is what they were signed up to previously. We are 'committed' to similar such crap and are failing spectacularly at every turn - every milestone a losing post for us in the Carbon Stakes. On top of this the Orstralians have said they will only shift from this 5% bizzo to something more fruity if the rest of the world agree to something sensible to replace the Kyoto bollocks. Sensible would be stuff like not bankrupting your country just to reduce the concentration of a naturally occurring gas in the atmosphere for no reason at all; that sort of sensible. Assuming that the 'rest of the world' includes, China, India, Russia the States and other such trifling nations we are probably safe from the warmists for a while as they won't have bar of such ruinous crap.

Add to this we have Rodney Yellow Jacket saying that the science around climate change will be re-examined by the Parliamentary select Committee. Now, whether they do or not is another matter because the greener of the Committee's members won't like what they find. The world has been getting cooler for the last eight years, there is more Arctic ice than there has been for decades etc. etc. Usual stuff - facts getting in the way of a good story. But somehow I get the impression that there is an altogether more receptive audience around these days for such great dollops of pragmatism.

Speaking of Arctic Ice some warmists have been predicting that the North Pole will be ice free by 2012. Last year the amount of sea ice surrounding the pole increased as alluded to above and as of September this year there was only 2.5 million square kilometers left. Thats quite a bit of melting to get done in four years. Tell you what, it ain't going to happen.

Couldn't happen? Well no. Remember the good old days? The ninety fifties. You know; we all walked around in black and white, blokes wore trilbys to work, big cars were 25hp and did 14'6" to the gallon and no one cared because there was pots of money around and there was no such thing as man made global warming.

This picture was taken then. In March 1959 to be precise. And at the North Pole.



That big grey thing is a submarine and those six things standing on same are matelots, jolly jack tars. The stuff surrounding the submarine is the sea - all melted and floaty like. I think the white bits off the port bow are little bits of ice but look to be no more than you would float in a gin and tonic.

Anthropogenic global warming my arse.

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Edison lives on

The pragmatic blokes who seem to be still doing what the said they would are at it again. The Government today announced that they will reverse the ban on incandescent light bulbs that was due to come into effect next October. This was one of the dafter of Labour's save the planet bollocks. The replacement piggy's tails jobs are just 'orrible. As I have already mentioned I had started hoarding the original tried and true Thomas Edison jobs and I suppose I could now have a garage sale of them.

As an added bonus to this welcome bit of pragmatism she in the need of Botox and tooth whitening has come out in all her hand wringing and whingeing splendour to announce that she and the Greens are unhappy with the decision. I'll tell you what, Ms Fitzsimons, no one gives a rat's arse what you think. By telling us all prior to the election that you wanted nothing to do with a National Government should one be elected you have consigned yourself to a position of total and utter irrelevance. You've made your bed now lie in it. How do you fancy a ride in my supercharged V8? A trip around my private Toshiba nuclear power plant? Sell you 40 litres of diesel, cheap like? A T-bone steak perhaps?

Stupid woman

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Oh no you don't

The world's economies are going down in a screaming heap. I laid my global financial expertise open for all to see a couple of days ago but even to my untutored eye this is bloody bad. Apparently as bloody bad as it has been since the 1930s when you were in danger of being hit by a falling stockbroker as you walked down Wall Street. So bloody bad that National's economic policy which was released yesterday had to be modified to take account of the fact that the world is a bit short of the folding varieties. I've had a look at this policy and stroked my chin in a sage sort of a way when asked my opinion about it and said it looks OK. I don't really know, but it looks, well, OK. I don't think I gain much from it but I don't care. I don't think I lose anything and that is good enough for me. In fact it is better than good enough for me because if it all comes to pass it will mean that Labour is longer at the levers of Power.

Ah yes Labour and Dear Leader. What is their policy on all this financial shenanigans? What have they in mind to steer us through a decade (a decade no less; I'll be getting close to 70) with minimal pain and maybe even chance of improving our lot and coming out of it better than most? Well nothing actually. Steady as she goes, bosun. Nine years of 'prudent fiscal stewardship' has got us into the situation where the cupboard is bare and that is what we will continue doing. We are the ones to be trusted with your dosh, just look at what we have done with it so far. Vote for us and we'll do the same again. So don't you go worrying about the world's economy going down the plug'ole: Uncle Micky will see you right.

So that's that then. World's economy going tits up and the Government have no policy announcement. Well no. They do have a policy announcement. They are getting into your shower. That's right while Rome's coffers are burning Nero is fiddling in the shower - if you get my gist. The interfering little ratbags are not content with telling us what light bulbs we can buy. Mandating what we put in our kids lunch boxes not enough. The amount of water coming out of a shower rose is now to be legislated on. And it is to be reduced to 6 litres a minute. I don't really know what that is but it doesn't sound a lot (apparently it is about a third of what makes a really good vigorous shower now) and it is 30% less than they are allowed in Queensland where there is a drought that has been going on for years. We don't have a drought. So much don't we have a drought that this stupid government is content to leave us dependent on hydro generation of electricity. Idiots. The new regulations are couched in bureaubabble and only apply to new dwellings (only town planners talk of dwellings. You don't leave the boozer and say to your mates 'See you lads, I'm off to my dwelling' do you?) and renovations over 150 sq m. You use more water if your bathroom is jolly big?

For starters this regulation is stupid. I didn't see a provision allowing for really fat people being able to apply for a permit for an extra couple of litres per minute because they take a lot of washing. I'm sure there will be a provision demanding all registered members of athletic clubs get a lower allowance as they are in training and are really good at running around to get wet. Where is the form for getting an extra litre per minute if you've just had a big day muck spreading?

Much more importantly it is a portent of what is to come if the great unwashed (pun intended) are stupid enough to vote Labour and their Green mates (and this crap stinks of Greenness) in for another three years. This is what is important to them. Bugger the pragmatic stuff when there is bit of controlling to be done. This is the evil of these toads. This is true to type. The stupid regulations come from the Department of Building and Housing. Bye the bye their staffing numbers have increased over 500% in the last nine years. If you go to their website (and I really don't advise this as it is both very boring and vomit inducing) you will see the real culprit behind this interfering bullshit.

Sustainability. The modern touchstone that allows a warped administration to do anything it likes. I have written of this evil before but we would do well to remind ourselves of the Urban Dictionary's definition of sustainafuckingbility.

Sustainability is a lens through which to view all issues. The sustainability movement encompasses environmental justice and social justice, because one cannot be obtained without the other. It means living life to the fullest without compromising future generations' ability to do so. It respects the interconectedness of all life and acknowledges the responsibility that each person has to consider the effects that his actions have on other life forms, both living and to be born.

Well for starters it is nuts and doesn't mean anything; it also contains a word that doesn't exist - interconnectedness. It induces great waves of nausea in me. But the dangerous is bit is the first sentence. 'It is a lens through which to view all issues'. So you latch onto this bollocks and you apply it to everything. Absolutely everything. You get yourself a new hammer and everything is a nail. You get this crap engraved on a bone pendant and you walk through proper people's lives and beat them with it. This bloody government has bought this crap hook line and sinker. If you are stupid enough to go any government website you find this bollocks everywhere. If anyone questions any of their loathsome controlling legislation they play their sustainability card which in their warped view trumps even a royal flush. Sustainability is their garlic with which to protect themselves from the Dracula of commonsense and pragmatism. Dickheads.

There are rumours that there are plans afoot to ban patio heaters. I will go and buy six; no, bugger it, make it a dozen. What else have they in mind? A ban on cooked food to save the planet. Salad only Wednesdays? A ban on shaving to cut down the use of both hot water and steel? Should have a lot of female politicians worried. No more building consents for anything but nikau whares? V8 vehicular conveyances to be compulsorily traded in for bicycles at the gates of the State Bicycle Factory?

So in the interests of sustainability (and probably Kyoto and carbon neutrality - the Dept. of Building and Housing is 'committed to be on the road to carbon neutrality by 2012'. Barrrf ) the government is going to tell me how much water I am allowed to have coursing through my shower roses (plural; I have six showers) This water is collected off my roof from rain. This non government supplied water is pumped by electricity from a generator in my tractor shed. This generator is mine (even paid for) and is fueled by petrol which I buy. With money. My money - or what is left of it after bloody Cullen has taken most of it from me. So you are going to tell me how much of this water thus pumped I can pass though my showers? Well no you bloody well aren't. Sod off. Sod off from my shower. Sod off from my light fixtures. Sod off from my fridge. Sod off from my wallet. Just get the fuck out of my life altogether. You do not know how to run my life better than I do and I will not allow you to even try. My dislike of you and your all controlling ways knows no bounds.

I was collecting my daughter from the Airport a couple of weekends back when she was coming home from Wellington for a couple of days. As we were waiting by the carousel for her luggage Dear Leader who had travelled on the same plane walked past. I asked my daughter if she had a baseball bat in her case. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) she did not.

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The Greens and the ETS

I don't want to sound like a cracked record on this Emissions Trading Scam but it would appear that the time when yet more of my money is gong to be poured down the dunny is getting very close. Dear Leader has a crucial vote on Tuesday to pass this latest bollocks but she needs the support of circus clown Winston and the damned Greens. Forget Winston - please. Jeanette 'Where's my Botox' Fitzsimons gave some sort of press conference yesterday telling all who could be bothered to listen that she was yet to make up her mind as to which way to vote and she would wait for the court of public opinion to give her a lead.

Well common decency prevents me from giving my opinion in polite company but she is only hanging out for the provisions to be even more draconian and even more financially ruinous then what is currently suggested. Nothing short of bicycles in every nook and cranny of the heavy haulage business and rich pricks taxed on everything at 93% will do for this fruitloop. She does let slip this very scary quote to give some idea of the workings of her so called mind. "What really mattered about this scheme was that is was fair to New Zealanders and effective at reducing greenhouse gas emissions. Throughout the negotiation process we have kept this at the forefront of our minds. If we don't get these things right, the huge wealth transfers that the ETS creates will be both unfair and ineffectual," says Fitzsimons.

Bloody fairness mentioned twice. Get over it lady - life isn't fair. You are a useless waste of space and you, therefore, deserve to get less in all departments than people who are better than you. 'Effective reduction of greenhouse gases' - a futile attempt to achieve the impossible for no purpose - vide supra. And finally 'the huge wealth transfer the ETS creates'. You've finally got something right. Huge transfer of hard earned monies from where it might be usefully employed into a black hole run by people who have repeatedly proven that they couldn't organise a nun shoot in a convent.

One statement summing up all the Greens stand for - stupidity.

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