Oh no you don't

The world's economies are going down in a screaming heap. I laid my global financial expertise open for all to see a couple of days ago but even to my untutored eye this is bloody bad. Apparently as bloody bad as it has been since the 1930s when you were in danger of being hit by a falling stockbroker as you walked down Wall Street. So bloody bad that National's economic policy which was released yesterday had to be modified to take account of the fact that the world is a bit short of the folding varieties. I've had a look at this policy and stroked my chin in a sage sort of a way when asked my opinion about it and said it looks OK. I don't really know, but it looks, well, OK. I don't think I gain much from it but I don't care. I don't think I lose anything and that is good enough for me. In fact it is better than good enough for me because if it all comes to pass it will mean that Labour is longer at the levers of Power.

Ah yes Labour and Dear Leader. What is their policy on all this financial shenanigans? What have they in mind to steer us through a decade (a decade no less; I'll be getting close to 70) with minimal pain and maybe even chance of improving our lot and coming out of it better than most? Well nothing actually. Steady as she goes, bosun. Nine years of 'prudent fiscal stewardship' has got us into the situation where the cupboard is bare and that is what we will continue doing. We are the ones to be trusted with your dosh, just look at what we have done with it so far. Vote for us and we'll do the same again. So don't you go worrying about the world's economy going down the plug'ole: Uncle Micky will see you right.

So that's that then. World's economy going tits up and the Government have no policy announcement. Well no. They do have a policy announcement. They are getting into your shower. That's right while Rome's coffers are burning Nero is fiddling in the shower - if you get my gist. The interfering little ratbags are not content with telling us what light bulbs we can buy. Mandating what we put in our kids lunch boxes not enough. The amount of water coming out of a shower rose is now to be legislated on. And it is to be reduced to 6 litres a minute. I don't really know what that is but it doesn't sound a lot (apparently it is about a third of what makes a really good vigorous shower now) and it is 30% less than they are allowed in Queensland where there is a drought that has been going on for years. We don't have a drought. So much don't we have a drought that this stupid government is content to leave us dependent on hydro generation of electricity. Idiots. The new regulations are couched in bureaubabble and only apply to new dwellings (only town planners talk of dwellings. You don't leave the boozer and say to your mates 'See you lads, I'm off to my dwelling' do you?) and renovations over 150 sq m. You use more water if your bathroom is jolly big?

For starters this regulation is stupid. I didn't see a provision allowing for really fat people being able to apply for a permit for an extra couple of litres per minute because they take a lot of washing. I'm sure there will be a provision demanding all registered members of athletic clubs get a lower allowance as they are in training and are really good at running around to get wet. Where is the form for getting an extra litre per minute if you've just had a big day muck spreading?

Much more importantly it is a portent of what is to come if the great unwashed (pun intended) are stupid enough to vote Labour and their Green mates (and this crap stinks of Greenness) in for another three years. This is what is important to them. Bugger the pragmatic stuff when there is bit of controlling to be done. This is the evil of these toads. This is true to type. The stupid regulations come from the Department of Building and Housing. Bye the bye their staffing numbers have increased over 500% in the last nine years. If you go to their website (and I really don't advise this as it is both very boring and vomit inducing) you will see the real culprit behind this interfering bullshit.

Sustainability. The modern touchstone that allows a warped administration to do anything it likes. I have written of this evil before but we would do well to remind ourselves of the Urban Dictionary's definition of sustainafuckingbility.

Sustainability is a lens through which to view all issues. The sustainability movement encompasses environmental justice and social justice, because one cannot be obtained without the other. It means living life to the fullest without compromising future generations' ability to do so. It respects the interconectedness of all life and acknowledges the responsibility that each person has to consider the effects that his actions have on other life forms, both living and to be born.

Well for starters it is nuts and doesn't mean anything; it also contains a word that doesn't exist - interconnectedness. It induces great waves of nausea in me. But the dangerous is bit is the first sentence. 'It is a lens through which to view all issues'. So you latch onto this bollocks and you apply it to everything. Absolutely everything. You get yourself a new hammer and everything is a nail. You get this crap engraved on a bone pendant and you walk through proper people's lives and beat them with it. This bloody government has bought this crap hook line and sinker. If you are stupid enough to go any government website you find this bollocks everywhere. If anyone questions any of their loathsome controlling legislation they play their sustainability card which in their warped view trumps even a royal flush. Sustainability is their garlic with which to protect themselves from the Dracula of commonsense and pragmatism. Dickheads.

There are rumours that there are plans afoot to ban patio heaters. I will go and buy six; no, bugger it, make it a dozen. What else have they in mind? A ban on cooked food to save the planet. Salad only Wednesdays? A ban on shaving to cut down the use of both hot water and steel? Should have a lot of female politicians worried. No more building consents for anything but nikau whares? V8 vehicular conveyances to be compulsorily traded in for bicycles at the gates of the State Bicycle Factory?

So in the interests of sustainability (and probably Kyoto and carbon neutrality - the Dept. of Building and Housing is 'committed to be on the road to carbon neutrality by 2012'. Barrrf ) the government is going to tell me how much water I am allowed to have coursing through my shower roses (plural; I have six showers) This water is collected off my roof from rain. This non government supplied water is pumped by electricity from a generator in my tractor shed. This generator is mine (even paid for) and is fueled by petrol which I buy. With money. My money - or what is left of it after bloody Cullen has taken most of it from me. So you are going to tell me how much of this water thus pumped I can pass though my showers? Well no you bloody well aren't. Sod off. Sod off from my shower. Sod off from my light fixtures. Sod off from my fridge. Sod off from my wallet. Just get the fuck out of my life altogether. You do not know how to run my life better than I do and I will not allow you to even try. My dislike of you and your all controlling ways knows no bounds.

I was collecting my daughter from the Airport a couple of weekends back when she was coming home from Wellington for a couple of days. As we were waiting by the carousel for her luggage Dear Leader who had travelled on the same plane walked past. I asked my daughter if she had a baseball bat in her case. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) she did not.

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