Ban it

David Farrar at Kiwiblog is made of sterner stuff than me. He has been through all the published Green Party Policy Statements (I would prefer to spend an afternoon sticking pins my eyes) and come up with the complete list of things they want banned. Ready?
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1. Ban fizzy drinks from schools
2. Ban fuel inefficient vehicles
3. Ban all gaming machines in pubs
4. Ban the GCSB
5. Ban violent TV programmes until after 10 pm
6. Ban feeding of antibiotics to animals that are not sick
7. Ban companies that do not comply with a Code of Corporate Responsibility
8. Ban ACC from investing in enterprises that provide products or services that significantly increase rates of injury or illness or otherwise have significant adverse social or environmental effects
9. Ban commercial Genetic Engineering trials
10. Ban field testing on production of GE food
11. Ban import of GE food
12. Ban Urban Sprawl
13. Ban non citizens/residents from owning land
14. Ban further corporate farming
15. Ban sale of high country farms to NZers who do not live in NZ at least 185 days a year
16. Ban the transport by sea of farm animals, for more than 24 hours
17. Ban crates for sows
18. Ban battery cages for hens
19. Ban factory farming of animals
20. Ban the use of mechanically recovered meat in the food chain
21. Ban the use of the ground-up remains of sheep and cows as stock feed
22. Ban animal testing where animals suffer, even if of benefit to humans
23. Ban cloning of animals
24. Ban use of animals in GE
25. Ban GE animal food
26. Ban docking of dogs tails
27. Ban intrusive animal experimentation as a teaching method in all educational institutions
28. Ban smacking
29. Ban advertising during children’s programmes
30. Ban alcohol advertising on TV and radio
31. Ban coal mining
32. Ban the export of indigenous logs and chips
33. Ban the use of bio-accumulative and persistent poisons
34. Ban the establishment of mustelid farms
35. Ban new exploration, prospecting and mining on conservation land and reserves
36. Ban mining activities when rare and endemic species are found to present on the mining site
37. Ban the trading conservation land for other land to facilitate extractive activities on.
38. Ban the further holding of marine mammals in captivity except as part of an approved threatened species recovery strategy
39. Ban the direct to consumer advertising of pharmaceuticals
40. Ban sale of chips and lollies on school property
41. Ban any additional use of coal for energy
42. Ban fixed electricity charges
43. Ban further large hydro plants
44. Ban nuclear power
45. Ban further thermal generation
46. Ban private water management
47. Ban imported vehicles over seven years old
48. Ban the disposal of recyclable materials at landfills
49. Ban the export of hazardous waste to non OECD countries
50. Ban funding of health services by companies that sell unhealthy food (so McDonalds could not fund services for young cancer sufferers)
51. Ban healthcare organizations from selling unhealthy food or drink
52. Ban advertising of unhealthy food until after 8.30 pm
53. Ban all food and drink advertisements on TV if they do not meet criteria for nutritious food
54. Ban the use of antibiotics as sprays on crops
55. Ban food irradiation within NZ
56. Ban irradiated food imports
57. Ban growth hormones for animals
58. Ban crown agency investments in any entity that denies climate change
59. Ban crown agency investments in any entity that is involved in tobacco
60. Ban crown agency investments in any entity that is involved in environmentally damaging oil extraction or gold mining
61. Ban non UN sanctioned military involvement (so China and Russia gets to veto all NZ engagements)
62. Ban NZ from military treaties which are based on the right to self defence
63. Ban NZers from serving as mercenaries
64. Ban new casinos
65. Allow existing casinos to be banned
66. Ban promotion of Internet gambling
67. Ban advertising of unhealthy food to children
68. Ban cellphone towers within 300 metres of homes
69. Ban new buildings that do not confirm to sustainable building principles
70. Ban migrants who do not undertake Treaty of Waitangi education programmes
71. Ban new prisons
72. Ban semi-automatic weapons
73. Ban genetic mixing between species
74. Ban ocean mineral extractions within the EEZ
75. Ban limited liability companies by making owners responsible for liability of products
76. Ban funding of PTEs that compete with public tertiary institutes
77. Ban the importation of goods and services that do not meet quality and environmental certification standards in production, lifecycle analysis, and eco-labelling
78. Ban goods that do not meet quality and sustainability standards for goods which are produced and/or sold in Aotearoa/New Zealand
79. Ban new urban highways or motorways
80. Ban private toll roads
81. Ban import of vehicles more than seven years old unless they meet emission standards
82. Ban imported goods that do not meet standards for durability and ease of recycling
83. Ban landfills
84. Ban new houses without water saving measures
85. Ban programmes on TVNZ with gratuitous violence

Bloody staggering isn't it?

Lets have a look at a few. Try the ones in the forties
41. Ban any additional use of coal for energy
42. Ban fixed electricity charges
43. Ban further large hydro plants
44. Ban nuclear power
45. Ban further thermal generation

So there's the twenty first century down the dunny. No electricity except that generated by the 'save the world' tidal power plant to be moored in the entrance of the Kaipara Harbour. You know the one; the one that is untested but is the answer to all our prayers. Oh and windmills. Idiots.

Right oh, where next? Try 52. Ban advertising of unhealthy food until after 8.30 pm. Stupid but not all encompassing enough so we also have 53. Ban all food and drink advertisements on TV if they do not meet criteria for nutritious food. That's better. We decide what the 'criteria for nutritious food' are and then we will advertise them. Endless sexy packaging of lentils and carrots coming your way.

Number 58 is a ripper. 58. Ban crown agency investments in any entity that denies climate change. 'We will not invest in your company unless you swear on a stack of Bibles that man is wrecking the planet by driving around in big gas guzzling cars. And while you are at it can I bring 2. Ban fuel inefficient vehicles to your attention? You may well ask what 'fuel inefficient' means. Well that's for us to decide and you to comply with' And while we are on cars don't forget 79. Ban new urban highways or motorways and 80. Ban private toll roads.

So now we have no electricity, cannot invest our money and can't go anywhere except on a horse drawn bus. What next? 68. Ban cellphone towers within 300 metres of homes. That's all cellphone coverage in any town in New Zealand cut off at the knees. Who needs the information super highway? Down here in the Land of the Long White Cloud we'll get along just fine standing on the tops of hills with semaphore flags. Might make Internet banking a little tricky but never mind the mail clipper is due next Tuesday as long as Jim Hickey doesn't hoist a storm cone.

Right we are powerless, poor, stationary and can't communicate with anyone. What simple pleasures will be left to us? Well grafting roses is out.73. Ban genetic mixing between species. Off down to the pub to double the money we can't invest. Oh no you don't. 3. Ban all gaming machines in pubs. And don't think you can pop around the corner to try your luck in the casino 'cos it's just closed 65. Allow existing casinos to be banned. And don't go waiting for a new one to be built. 64. Ban new casinos. But there's no point trying to get more money from these banned institutions because as soon as you start the walk (there is no alternative, remember) home you will be mugged by any number of marauding bad men courtesy of 71. Ban new prisons. Self defence with an AK47 carefully concealed down the trouser leg? Sorry. 72. Ban semi-automatic weapons.

Right you get home in one piece (84. Ban new houses without water saving measures) and try to double your money in the comfort of your living room? Forget it. 66. Ban promotion of Internet gambling. Angry now so turn on the telly to vent a little spleen. Foiled again. 85. Ban programmes on TVNZ with gratuitous violence. and it's only 9.00p.m. so 5. Ban violent TV programmes until after 10 pm kicks in and you are not allowed to choose between a Heineken or a Steinlager (30. Ban alcohol advertising on TV and radio) so you settle on a Coke from little Johnny's lunch bag - but you can't even do that 1. Ban fizzy drinks from schools.

Here's one that has Keith Locke's finger prints all over it. 63. Ban NZers from serving as mercenaries Now what bloody business is it of anybody in New Zealand what you do when you are out of the country? Well it has to apply to overseas only doesn't it. I don't remember seeing too many adverts in the Rodney Times for Mercenaries to serve in Kaukapakapa who might be able to help out with a bit of fencing on Thursdays. And should you pop over to Iraq or wherever you go for this sort of thing what is Keith going to do when you come home wearing your red bandanna, cut off tee shirt, big muscles and a knife the size of a baseball bat?

And of course we have our old friend (sic) sustainableedingbility hiding in there. 78. Ban goods that do not meet quality and sustainability standards for goods which are produced and/or sold in Aotearoa/New Zealand. Note the totally unnecessary Aoteoroa slipped in there just to induce great waves of nausea.

This lot are the full Barking. God help us if they manage to get even a finger on the levers of power in a couple of weeks time. There are eighty five things in that horror list. If just one came to pass it would be too many.

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