This could well turn out to be the first couple of items in a long running series. I am not referring to chocolate teapots or plate glass bicycle pumps here but things governmental and/or bureaucratic. Two standout candidates today.
The first is a Gender and Disaster Risk Reduction Conference. Now you may well be a little mystified as to what this seemingly random collection of perfectly sound words from the English Language represents. I was and I promise you I am not making it up. This talkfest is being held in China and is focussing on why womens get wasted more when a volcano erupts or a tsunami wafts down the high street. I can't be bothered trying to follow the spurious arguments put forward by the hairy legged ones as to why a couple of cubic kilometres of water are sexist when they drown females wholesale but all is well in the world when a hundred blokes get wasted down the boozer.
People who attend this sort of nonsense junket (sounds more like punishment to me) are obviously completely bonkers. They've had one before and came up with some communiques at the end - you've got to do that to be taken seriously, you see; although I would have thought this lot were pushing it up hill even if they decided that the sun would rise in the East tomorrow. Anyway, last time out they decided this: We should refrain from funding of extractive industries, such as mining, logging and oil and natural gas extractions that exacerbate climate change, poverty and gender inequality.
Got that? No more open cast mines or logging trucks as they cause gender inequality. I bet they also cause a loss of wellness and a lack of self esteem. If I see any wellness or self esteem walking down the street I'm going to set about them with a baseball bat. Bat shit mad bollocks.
Who is paying for this crap? I see the New Zealand representative is that bizarrely named woman Steve Chadwick. I think in the mercifully departed Labour Government she was Minister of Women's Affairs. So as she is an ex-minister I assume (and sincerely hope) that her seat up the front of the plane is not coming out of my taxes. Probably got some more womens paying for her; this sort of person never pays for themselves.
So there's three useless things we don't need right there; wellness, self esteem and sexist bushfires.
Here's a fourth. The Geography Board. These are the clowns who are the final arbiter of the mind numbingly stupid furore as to whether Wanganui should be spelled with an 'h' or not. Who gives a rat's arse? The latest knotty problem that has them stroking their bearded chins (and that's just the women) is the stunning realisation by someone who needs to get out more that the North Island and South Island of New Zealand have never had those appellations officially Gazetted. Now I know that comes a shock and will change the course of your life but I'm afraid there is no way to dress up this truly horrifying truth. It just has to be told like it is. The North Island is the North Island but not officially.
What to do? Bugger all of course as it doesn't matter. But that is not the correct answer as we have a Geography Board to keep in hors d'ouevres and $10 Chardonnay. The Board is made up of prominent academics (oxymoron) and leading Maori (quelle surprise) and they have decided that they will consult widely (talk to a lot of fat people) so as to be fair (right up there with wellness in my hate concept list) and then will probably end up calling the North Island 'The North Island' and the South Island 'The South Island'. People get paid money you can exchange for expensive overpowered motor cars to do this to me.
But they haven't finished. They will consult maori so as we can show our maturity as a society and have alternative indigenous names for our two main land masses. The Chairperson of the Geography Board told me this on the electric wireless. The Chairperson is a real bloke (not just a wummin with a blokes name like the Chadwick android) but in the daft world he inhabits cannot bring himself to call himself a Chairman. These moonbats really think that after they have had their consultations and delivered the new unpronounceable and easily forgettable new names to someone in a flax basket people will actually use them. Dream on.
What's next on their agenda? Will they find that the sea hasn't officially been called 'The Sea'? There's another eighteen months of consultation. That mountain might only be a hill. Shouldn't that cliff really be an escarpment and how dare that stream call itself a river?
I thought I and millions of others voted to get rid of all this crap on the first Saturday of November last year.
Rodney, refill the chainsaw and make sure you have lots of bar oil available because you have some very thick forests to fell - and I don't give a monkeys as to the amount of gender inequality you generate.
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