In the final 36hours of the trip now and am quite looking forward to getting back to the real world i.e. the looney bin that is The People’s Republic. Despite the fact we have a Navy made up of a RORO and a couple of popgun carrying frigates that aren’t allowed to fired anything but a blanket at a refugee I would not live in the States if you paid me. A bit of catching up to do on this year’s impressions of the land of the free.
Advertising. I finished my first trip book (I have a back up for the return journey) a few minutes into the SFA-SAN leg of the trip. If you want a good, if somewhat harrowing, read I can highly recommend the Eric Clapton autobiography. He was born and grew up only a few miles from the locale of my youth which makes that part of the story all the more real. I also used to go to Bentalls in Kingston for my records, I too went to Eel Pie Island of a Saturday night. Our paths mercifully diverted from there and I wouldn’t have had his life from the Yardbirds onwards for all the tea in China. He would appear to have come out of the other side in the end but, hellfire, what a ride. Anyway I digress. With Eric finished what was I to amuse myself with for the short flight over southern California. SkyMall Magazine was the only option. This is so good I took up their very generous offer and took it off the plane with me so I could wonder at the many splendorous loads of crap that could be mine for just three easy payments of $19.95. I have dipped into this treasure trove of rubbish on several occasions over the last couple of days my perusals only being interrupted to glance up at the hotel TV’s exhortations to send $9.99 for a video on ‘Crunchless Abs’.
The publishers of Skymall and the makers of the TV ads are doing this to make money are presumably succeeding. TV ads and giveaway magazines are not cheap so how do you make coin peddling the following selection?
The Personal Between the Sheets Bed Fan. This bit of kit creates a ‘cool personalised microclimate between the sheets’ allowing you to ’regulate your temperature as you sleep without disturbing your partner’ This heap of junk turns your side of the bed into a hovercraft by blowing air between the sheets and you are only asked to part with $79.95 for the chance to ruin a good night’s sleep.
On the same page is the Pet Staircase. ‘Sturdy lightweight pet stairs to help pets climb to furniture otherwise difficult for them to reach. Designed for pets up to 100lbs, especially older animals or those suffering from joint problems, our stairs have removable shearling covers (what the hell is a shearling – a shearwater I know) that are soft on paws and made of 100% machine washable polyester (a severe disadvantage in my book). This garbage comes in four sizes ranging from the three step at $79.95 to the six step at $159.95 if you want to aid Rover kicking the bucket by jumping off a tall building.
Not interested? How about ‘Basho the Sumo Wrestler Glass topped table’ This is a sculpture of a sumo wrestler bending over with a sheet of glass attached to his back that is to be used as an occasional table. A snip at $225. Who in the name of Hades would actually want one of these? They are hideous, impractical and expensive – a sure fire recipe for commercial disaster.
And so it goes on – perhaps more examples in days to come. I really cannot believe that America became a global financial titan by flogging coffee tables that resemble a sumo wrestler.
No comments:
Post a Comment