What line of business are these clowns in?

'We are constantly looking at new ways in which we can increase our service to our customers as well as improve our business performance and efficiency'

Well what do you think? A company that manufactures life saving equipment? An outfit that splits the atom for public consumption? A meals on wheels service for old ladies perchance? No this is Auckland Council trying to justify giving those stupid Segways to bloody parking wardens. Here's a bit more of their bureaspeak nonsense; they rate themselves as 'innovators and leaders in the field of parking services'. What a load of bollocks. Parking wardens are a revenue gathering arm of the council; no more and no less. And why on earth can't they speak English. Putting a ticket on your windscreen is a fine and is not 'a parking service'

This is a Segway:

They are apparently very easy to operate. So easy in fact that the only person ever known to fail to get one moving (in fact he managed to fall off as I recall) was George W Bush. So they really are a no brainer. Everyone who has ever got onto one of these daft bits of kit is a plonker. It is a prerequisite of getting one that you are a complete wally. If you are a sensible and/or reasonable bloke they won't sell you one. There was a bloke up the beach who owned one and his other vehicles were a hovercraft and a Sealegs. He falls into the category of Plonker with Too Much Money.

So Auckland's ratepayers are supposed to pay for damned Parking Wardens to get around on these. Why? I'll give you a builder's pencil so you can write all the reasons on the back of a postage stamp. What the hell is wrong with a pair of stout boots and legs. Battery charging requirement for a pair of boots was zero last time I looked. If you are into saving money and saving the planet (and we all want to save the planet, don't we children?) just get rid of Parking Wardens altogether and let me park my V8 where ever I fancy.

The really galling bit about this sort of nonsense is that it goes on when the real infrastructure of the city is just falling apart at the seams. The sewers can't cope with rainfall at a rate greater than one millimetre a week, the transport sucks and they spend up large on Segways. I can see Nero calling for his fiddle.

Tweet