I lived in South East Asia for many years. Singapore to be precise which is often called Asia with training wheels. No matter, I loved my time there and still have a great deal of time for Asia in general and Singapore in particular. I like the climate (I think), I like the way they get things done and in particular I like the people. I can get a bit of that feel the moment I step on an aircraft run by one of the South East Asian airlines.
If you want to travel to London from Auckland it matters not a jot in a purely geographical way whether you turn left or right at Mangere. London is a bloody long way away whether you fly over Asia or America. I think there is about 500km difference in the total distance wether you fly east or west. But it is a no brainer as far as I’m concerned which way you go. Would I prefer to spend a three or four hour refuelling stop in the US of A or somewhere in South East Asia? Would I prefer to fly with the ageing harridans that make up the cabin crew of United or have my Earl Grey (a mug of which I have just received) dished out by Miss World look-alikes on say SQ or Thai or MH? Hmm a hard one.
For old times sake my first choice would be SQ. Raffles Class on the newest fleet in the sky is the only way to travel unless you have just robbed a bank and can afford to travel even further forward on the plane. One step further forward again and you have to fly the thing. However I heard all good things about Malaysian Airlines Golden Club Class and they had a pretty sharp deal about six months ago that shaved a couple of thousand folding varieties off a fairly complex trip involving London and Penang. Now I love my Air New Zealand Airpoints and I could accrue a shedload flying with a bevy of Singapore Girls, but I don’t love them to the tune of several thousand slides.
Never flown MAS before but first impressions of the vast seat 3G as I cross the East Coast of Australia are good. I look up and know instantly where the Keluar is – very reassuring if the 777 flies like a stone over Bendigo. The luncheon was preluded by some really very acceptable satay and they make a decent cup of tea. The seat looks to be pretty good Business Class circa 2009. Instruction manual pared down from Auckland phone book size to two sheets of card and all the controls seem to do what they are supposed to, A very good foot rest – well it is for me built along the line of a garden gnome, I don’t know how Shaquille O’Neill would fare. We’ll see how the ‘bed’ setting works in an hour or so. It will have to be pretty bloody good to beat Air New Zealand’s effort though. Wonder of wonders, the power point works so I can type endless drivel on this blog and listen to my choice of music from the MacBook Pro and not have to put up with some bloke in Kuala Lumpur’s taste. In fact the in flight entertainment selection is not at all good. Just watched Tom Hanks in ‘Angels and Demons’ only to realise half way through I had read the book which was miles better. There is no other movie I want to watch (which means there will be no movie I want to watch on the KL/London leg either) and the selection of CDs ‘On Demand’ doesn’t go much past Beyonce. Yuk. Good job I have my iTunes library with me.
What else as I gaze a round? The Airshow is state of the art circa 1998. Not good. The Air New Zealand one a couple of weeks back was miles better with overlays of Google Earth, ersatz cockpit instruments, views out of the pilot’s widow etc. Very nice. The cabin staff know my name and can spell it correctly. There is the usual assortment of agreeable looking young ladies. No equal opportunities or politically correct bollocks here. If you are not young, slim and a bit of a looker you’re out the back filling the plane with Avgas as opposed to filling the punters with Bollinger. We also have the obligatory snaked hipped Malay youth who looks to be of dubious sexual orientation. He’s alright and is the one who makes the tea. Next to me in 3E and 3F I have empty seats which effectively quadruples my in flight storage space. I like this as I can spread out and don’t have to keep going to the overhead locker every time I want to change books.
Across the aisle (thank God) in 3K we have the only person I have ever come across in my not inconsiderable travelling experience who had to have an extension supplied for her seat belt. She is vast, the size of a small country. If she weighs less than 180 kg I’m a Frenchman. I see she also has about 30kg of carry on baggage and I bet her checked in valises are way (weigh?) over the top as well. Now this all pisses me off. I reckon for her fare she is carting about 230kg around the globe. She is also going to London but I see she is stopping for one night in KL. This is presumably so she can get some industrial quality eating done; airplane portions obviously don’t do it. I doubt she does anything else but eat and wheeze. Lunch service finished about half an hour ago and she’s already on her second muesli bar and has just had a puff on her inhaler. Anyway, this food processor and wholesale consumer of bronchodilaters is paying the same dosh as me. I weigh 70kg, made great efforts to ensure that my golf clubs and suitcase came to 29.9kg and my carry on luggage is a legal 7kg for a total of 107kg. Three solutions here to my mind. 1) She pays $X and I pay $0.428X, 2) I pay $X and she pays $2.336X or 3) we both pay $X and I bring my car along as carry on luggage. Why should we normal sized people subsidize the fatties of the world in their global roamings? And imagine how pissed off the anorexic must be; just another reason to make them miserable.
The Airshow really is awful. We are somewhere over New South Wales and the screen just tells me we are over a brown bit. I can ascertain this by simply looking out of the window. Never mind I’ll try and ignore 3K’s wheezing and try and stop looking at the wall of discarded muesli bar wrappers she is building around her. She’s just opened her third since lunch – class act.
An hour or two of studying the finer points of using a small lathe as a horizontal milling machine, a kip and we shall see what delights Kuala Lumpur Airport holds for four hours.
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