Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Ban it

David Farrar at Kiwiblog is made of sterner stuff than me. He has been through all the published Green Party Policy Statements (I would prefer to spend an afternoon sticking pins my eyes) and come up with the complete list of things they want banned. Ready?
1. Ban fizzy drinks from schools
2. Ban fuel inefficient vehicles
3. Ban all gaming machines in pubs
4. Ban the GCSB
5. Ban violent TV programmes until after 10 pm
6. Ban feeding of antibiotics to animals that are not sick
7. Ban companies that do not comply with a Code of Corporate Responsibility
8. Ban ACC from investing in enterprises that provide products or services that significantly increase rates of injury or illness or otherwise have significant adverse social or environmental effects
9. Ban commercial Genetic Engineering trials
10. Ban field testing on production of GE food
11. Ban import of GE food
12. Ban Urban Sprawl
13. Ban non citizens/residents from owning land
14. Ban further corporate farming
15. Ban sale of high country farms to NZers who do not live in NZ at least 185 days a year
16. Ban the transport by sea of farm animals, for more than 24 hours
17. Ban crates for sows
18. Ban battery cages for hens
19. Ban factory farming of animals
20. Ban the use of mechanically recovered meat in the food chain
21. Ban the use of the ground-up remains of sheep and cows as stock feed
22. Ban animal testing where animals suffer, even if of benefit to humans
23. Ban cloning of animals
24. Ban use of animals in GE
25. Ban GE animal food
26. Ban docking of dogs tails
27. Ban intrusive animal experimentation as a teaching method in all educational institutions
28. Ban smacking
29. Ban advertising during children’s programmes
30. Ban alcohol advertising on TV and radio
31. Ban coal mining
32. Ban the export of indigenous logs and chips
33. Ban the use of bio-accumulative and persistent poisons
34. Ban the establishment of mustelid farms
35. Ban new exploration, prospecting and mining on conservation land and reserves
36. Ban mining activities when rare and endemic species are found to present on the mining site
37. Ban the trading conservation land for other land to facilitate extractive activities on.
38. Ban the further holding of marine mammals in captivity except as part of an approved threatened species recovery strategy
39. Ban the direct to consumer advertising of pharmaceuticals
40. Ban sale of chips and lollies on school property
41. Ban any additional use of coal for energy
42. Ban fixed electricity charges
43. Ban further large hydro plants
44. Ban nuclear power
45. Ban further thermal generation
46. Ban private water management
47. Ban imported vehicles over seven years old
48. Ban the disposal of recyclable materials at landfills
49. Ban the export of hazardous waste to non OECD countries
50. Ban funding of health services by companies that sell unhealthy food (so McDonalds could not fund services for young cancer sufferers)
51. Ban healthcare organizations from selling unhealthy food or drink
52. Ban advertising of unhealthy food until after 8.30 pm
53. Ban all food and drink advertisements on TV if they do not meet criteria for nutritious food
54. Ban the use of antibiotics as sprays on crops
55. Ban food irradiation within NZ
56. Ban irradiated food imports
57. Ban growth hormones for animals
58. Ban crown agency investments in any entity that denies climate change
59. Ban crown agency investments in any entity that is involved in tobacco
60. Ban crown agency investments in any entity that is involved in environmentally damaging oil extraction or gold mining
61. Ban non UN sanctioned military involvement (so China and Russia gets to veto all NZ engagements)
62. Ban NZ from military treaties which are based on the right to self defence
63. Ban NZers from serving as mercenaries
64. Ban new casinos
65. Allow existing casinos to be banned
66. Ban promotion of Internet gambling
67. Ban advertising of unhealthy food to children
68. Ban cellphone towers within 300 metres of homes
69. Ban new buildings that do not confirm to sustainable building principles
70. Ban migrants who do not undertake Treaty of Waitangi education programmes
71. Ban new prisons
72. Ban semi-automatic weapons
73. Ban genetic mixing between species
74. Ban ocean mineral extractions within the EEZ
75. Ban limited liability companies by making owners responsible for liability of products
76. Ban funding of PTEs that compete with public tertiary institutes
77. Ban the importation of goods and services that do not meet quality and environmental certification standards in production, lifecycle analysis, and eco-labelling
78. Ban goods that do not meet quality and sustainability standards for goods which are produced and/or sold in Aotearoa/New Zealand
79. Ban new urban highways or motorways
80. Ban private toll roads
81. Ban import of vehicles more than seven years old unless they meet emission standards
82. Ban imported goods that do not meet standards for durability and ease of recycling
83. Ban landfills
84. Ban new houses without water saving measures
85. Ban programmes on TVNZ with gratuitous violence

Bloody staggering isn't it?

Lets have a look at a few. Try the ones in the forties
41. Ban any additional use of coal for energy
42. Ban fixed electricity charges
43. Ban further large hydro plants
44. Ban nuclear power
45. Ban further thermal generation

So there's the twenty first century down the dunny. No electricity except that generated by the 'save the world' tidal power plant to be moored in the entrance of the Kaipara Harbour. You know the one; the one that is untested but is the answer to all our prayers. Oh and windmills. Idiots.

Right oh, where next? Try 52. Ban advertising of unhealthy food until after 8.30 pm. Stupid but not all encompassing enough so we also have 53. Ban all food and drink advertisements on TV if they do not meet criteria for nutritious food. That's better. We decide what the 'criteria for nutritious food' are and then we will advertise them. Endless sexy packaging of lentils and carrots coming your way.

Number 58 is a ripper. 58. Ban crown agency investments in any entity that denies climate change. 'We will not invest in your company unless you swear on a stack of Bibles that man is wrecking the planet by driving around in big gas guzzling cars. And while you are at it can I bring 2. Ban fuel inefficient vehicles to your attention? You may well ask what 'fuel inefficient' means. Well that's for us to decide and you to comply with' And while we are on cars don't forget 79. Ban new urban highways or motorways and 80. Ban private toll roads.

So now we have no electricity, cannot invest our money and can't go anywhere except on a horse drawn bus. What next? 68. Ban cellphone towers within 300 metres of homes. That's all cellphone coverage in any town in New Zealand cut off at the knees. Who needs the information super highway? Down here in the Land of the Long White Cloud we'll get along just fine standing on the tops of hills with semaphore flags. Might make Internet banking a little tricky but never mind the mail clipper is due next Tuesday as long as Jim Hickey doesn't hoist a storm cone.

Right we are powerless, poor, stationary and can't communicate with anyone. What simple pleasures will be left to us? Well grafting roses is out.73. Ban genetic mixing between species. Off down to the pub to double the money we can't invest. Oh no you don't. 3. Ban all gaming machines in pubs. And don't think you can pop around the corner to try your luck in the casino 'cos it's just closed 65. Allow existing casinos to be banned. And don't go waiting for a new one to be built. 64. Ban new casinos. But there's no point trying to get more money from these banned institutions because as soon as you start the walk (there is no alternative, remember) home you will be mugged by any number of marauding bad men courtesy of 71. Ban new prisons. Self defence with an AK47 carefully concealed down the trouser leg? Sorry. 72. Ban semi-automatic weapons.

Right you get home in one piece (84. Ban new houses without water saving measures) and try to double your money in the comfort of your living room? Forget it. 66. Ban promotion of Internet gambling. Angry now so turn on the telly to vent a little spleen. Foiled again. 85. Ban programmes on TVNZ with gratuitous violence. and it's only 9.00p.m. so 5. Ban violent TV programmes until after 10 pm kicks in and you are not allowed to choose between a Heineken or a Steinlager (30. Ban alcohol advertising on TV and radio) so you settle on a Coke from little Johnny's lunch bag - but you can't even do that 1. Ban fizzy drinks from schools.

Here's one that has Keith Locke's finger prints all over it. 63. Ban NZers from serving as mercenaries Now what bloody business is it of anybody in New Zealand what you do when you are out of the country? Well it has to apply to overseas only doesn't it. I don't remember seeing too many adverts in the Rodney Times for Mercenaries to serve in Kaukapakapa who might be able to help out with a bit of fencing on Thursdays. And should you pop over to Iraq or wherever you go for this sort of thing what is Keith going to do when you come home wearing your red bandanna, cut off tee shirt, big muscles and a knife the size of a baseball bat?

And of course we have our old friend (sic) sustainableedingbility hiding in there.
78. Ban goods that do not meet quality and sustainability standards for goods which are produced and/or sold in Aotearoa/New Zealand. Note the totally unnecessary Aoteoroa slipped in there just to induce great waves of nausea.

This lot are the full Barking. God help us if they manage to get even a finger on the levers of power in a couple of weeks time. There are eighty five things in that horror list. If just one came to pass it would be too many.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Offended - moi?

Just as I bemoan the lack of opportunity to have a good grizzle and not three hours later I get a beautiful half volley just outside off stump. Off to the the extra cover boundary you go.

Lockwood Smith committed a grave crime today. What was this, pray tell? Did he eat a baby on prime time telly? Mug an old lady with a kitchen appliance? Rob a bank? Walk on a crack in the pavement? No, far, far worse than all these heinous acts rolled into one. He offended someone. Well he didn't really but some numpty tree hugging weird beards said he did. Bollocks. Many points around this whole episode.

What did he say? We'll just focus on the Asian bit in the interests of brevity. 'Some Asians have small hands and are more suited to certain types of work which might include fruit picking.' Well I can just imagine great droves of Chinese workers casting themselves from the Great Wall on hearing that. What the hell is wrong with any of it. Do some Asians have small hands? Yes. Do a lot of Asians have small hands? Yes. Does having small hands make you better suited for some kinds of employment than if you are endowed with shovels? Yes. Is the above statement racist? No. What the bloody hell is wrong with it then? Would anyone have raised an eyebrow if he had said 'Whitey's have bloody great huge hands and are therefore much more suited to wielding a sledgehammer than Chinamen'? I don't think so. What had he said 'Chinese girls have black hair and therefore make very poor Marilyn Monroe impersonators'. Evil racist slur? I'm sure you could find a hand wringer somewhere who would find justification for a public stoning. Give me strength.

I asked my wife (who is Chinese) if she found this Lockwood Smith remark offensive. She looked at me quizzically and laughed. In fact the people I have so far heard whining about the dreadful utterance have all been severely not Asian. Even Pond Scum Bovver Boy Mallard put his hypocritical five cents in - he's the bloke who goes round thumping people who offend him you may recall. We have come to a point when this sort of harmless tosh is accepted as being offensive. We are in the middle of an election where easily the most important issue to be resolved is the world economy going tits up and how we are going to handle our little corner of it. And there are people saying there ought to be sackings for a bloke who tells the truth about the size of a chinaman's hands. Get real.

All this equality bollocks again. We all have to be the same and equal. I can't play golf as well as Tiger Woods. If you point this out to me are you being 'elitist'? Should Tiger be told to start playing off 15 to make sure I am not offended? And he's black - and Asian. Now I'm really offended. I am unlikely to have a baby. Is this sexist and should I be offended by same?

Right lets get away from the specifics and onto giving and receiving offence. Why for heaven's sake does anybody have to be saved from the dreadful fate of being offended? What is wrong with a bit of good old fashioned offensive behaviour? Offensive is good. I don't wanna talk to you no more you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I'll fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and you father smelt of elderberry!!!! Now that's jolly offensive but how good. I wish I could be so gratuitously and inventively offensive whenever the whim struck me. I'll wave my private parts at your aunties you cheesy lot of secondhand electric donkey bottom biters. That's how effortlessly offensive I would like to be.

I am going to re institute a campaign I first floated a couple of years back.
I want this country to have a National 'Lets Offend Everyone We Can Find and Just See if The Sky Falls In' week. All female Chairpersons of Committees are to be called Chairmen, people of colour are to be called wogs, pakis or whatever you fancy. Overweight people are to be called fat b*st*rds. Vertically challenged people are to be referred to as short arses. People who are patently stupid are to be called stupid. Ugly people of either sex are to be told they look like the back of a bus. Posters featuring scantily clad seriously attractive females will be made mandatory when advertising power tools. Dwarf throwing contests are to be featured as Super 14 halftime entertainment. Wheelchair ramp access to bungy jumping platforms are to be closed. People you don't like are to be told their mother was a hamster (even if she wasn't). Western Springs Speedway will have a week long twenty four hour a day race meeting. All stray dogs and some cats are to be shot on site. Te Kaha and Te Mana will be ordered on a whale hunt off Little Barrier with a bikini clad (young female) TV One reporter 'embedded' as on the spot coverage. A $5 voucher off your groceries will be offered at Woolworth's for every seal pelt produced. Free napalm will be available for all those living near a mangrove swamp (a box of matches also provided). The government will give a free chainsaw to everyone who has a pohutakawa blocking their view. A fifty percent rebate will be given on the road tax for all vehicles with engines larger than four litres (extra discounts available for turbo or supercharged motors). Name suppression for any one in court will be banned and Helen Clark will open Big Boys Toys.


Twelve days without a post and I have mixed feelings about that. I enjoy putting finger to keyboard when there is something that amuses or infuriates me. One would have thought, then, that election time would be fertile ground indeed for material. And so I thought. Six weeks ago I was licking my lips at the prospect of an endless supply of subjects for ridicule.

Not the case however. I am finding the whole thing a big yawn and just wish it was all over. It is an endless procession of very predictable 'he said, she said' drivel. Not for me dissecting the minutiae of every policy announcement (not that there are many from the Labour side of the fence).

A few comments with less than three weeks to go, however.

I really cannot understand why the mainstream media are giving the government such a cushy ride over their appalling track record. Nine long years ago we were told that Labour was going to lead New Zealand to a new nirvana on the wave of a knowledge economy or some such tosh. We got a series of high profile talk fests and then nix. The result at the end of the last near decade of torture is a dreadful indictment. Our Standard of Living has slipped from 20th to 22nd in OECD. Annual labour productivity growth of 1.1% half of the 1990s and below OECD 1.8% average. NZ ranks just 25th in our ability to use innovation to develop new and unique products. Our infrastructure is a basket case but this is being upgraded with nineteenth century technology. Case in point is the power and communication side of things. We don't have enough of either. Power prices are going through the roof due to planning restrictions stopping the building of proper gas and coal powered power stations. Internet here sucks and the gummint are are extending the copper network when fibre is needed. And so it goes on. What are the great unwashed told of all this? Nuffink. All we get is endless coverage of John Key as an untrustworthy toad. Ring, ring. Kettle? Pot calling.

National are the party of secret agendas apparently. Well please. What details are we being allowed to see of the December minibudget that Labour would have to pay for the profligate lolly scramble? All these universal grants have to be paid for. Who would bet against not only rescinding of the tax cuts but tax increases in December?

Dear Leader announces the bank deposit guarantee scheme at the Launch of Labour's campaign. I just shook my head in resignation. This is what I would expect from the consummate politician. She has also sent round a pamphlet to the oldies outlining what a top job Labour has done for them over the past few years. This is apparently just legal under the gerrymandered Electoral Laws she forced upon us. Any bloody advantage even if it is blurring the margins of what is acceptable - and thus we drift into the area for which I no have interest or tolerance.

People who ring talkback radio have a vote that is worth as much as real people who have a brain. This is a pity.

I really don't want to live in a country that has Clark and Cullen at the levers of power for a further three years.

On the other hand if they are in the signal box for the next trienium they are probably gone thereafter for a very, very, long time as the prospects 2009-11 are pretty dire. Maybe it would be best if they had another go. Oh dear.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Now ain't that the truth

From the Editorial in today's Royal New Zealand Herald

It is impossible to avoid the conclusion that Cullen offered the reductions in this year’s Budget grudgingly. He is, at heart, a man who regards higher earners as “rich pricks”, and believes those who have succeeded have somehow ripped off their fellow citizens. He and his Labour colleagues believe they know how to spend people’s money better than those who earn it. The “chewing gum” round of cuts promised before the last election and petulantly cancelled afterwards - partly because people had not been grateful enough - is evidence of that.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Oh no you don't

The world's economies are going down in a screaming heap. I laid my global financial expertise open for all to see a couple of days ago but even to my untutored eye this is bloody bad. Apparently as bloody bad as it has been since the 1930s when you were in danger of being hit by a falling stockbroker as you walked down Wall Street. So bloody bad that National's economic policy which was released yesterday had to be modified to take account of the fact that the world is a bit short of the folding varieties. I've had a look at this policy and stroked my chin in a sage sort of a way when asked my opinion about it and said it looks OK. I don't really know, but it looks, well, OK. I don't think I gain much from it but I don't care. I don't think I lose anything and that is good enough for me. In fact it is better than good enough for me because if it all comes to pass it will mean that Labour is longer at the levers of Power.

Ah yes Labour and Dear Leader. What is their policy on all this financial shenanigans? What have they in mind to steer us through a decade (a decade no less; I'll be getting close to 70) with minimal pain and maybe even chance of improving our lot and coming out of it better than most? Well nothing actually. Steady as she goes, bosun. Nine years of 'prudent fiscal stewardship' has got us into the situation where the cupboard is bare and that is what we will continue doing. We are the ones to be trusted with your dosh, just look at what we have done with it so far. Vote for us and we'll do the same again. So don't you go worrying about the world's economy going down the plug'ole: Uncle Micky will see you right.

So that's that then. World's economy going tits up and the Government have no policy announcement. Well no. They do have a policy announcement. They are getting into your shower. That's right while Rome's coffers are burning Nero is fiddling in the shower - if you get my gist. The interfering little ratbags are not content with telling us what light bulbs we can buy. Mandating what we put in our kids lunch boxes not enough. The amount of water coming out of a shower rose is now to be legislated on. And it is to be reduced to 6 litres a minute. I don't really know what that is but it doesn't sound a lot (apparently it is about a third of what makes a really good vigorous shower now) and it is 30% less than they are allowed in Queensland where there is a drought that has been going on for years. We don't have a drought. So much don't we have a drought that this stupid government is content to leave us dependent on hydro generation of electricity. Idiots. The new regulations are couched in bureaubabble and only apply to new dwellings (only town planners talk of dwellings. You don't leave the boozer and say to your mates 'See you lads, I'm off to my dwelling' do you?) and renovations over 150 sq m. You use more water if your bathroom is jolly big?

For starters this regulation is stupid. I didn't see a provision allowing for really fat people being able to apply for a permit for an extra couple of litres per minute because they take a lot of washing. I'm sure there will be a provision demanding all registered members of athletic clubs get a lower allowance as they are in training and are really good at running around to get wet. Where is the form for getting an extra litre per minute if you've just had a big day muck spreading?

Much more importantly it is a portent of what is to come if the great unwashed (pun intended) are stupid enough to vote Labour and their Green mates (and this crap stinks of Greenness) in for another three years. This is what is important to them. Bugger the pragmatic stuff when there is bit of controlling to be done. This is the evil of these toads. This is true to type. The stupid regulations come from the Department of Building and Housing. Bye the bye their staffing numbers have increased over 500% in the last nine years. If you go to their website (and I really don't advise this as it is both very boring and vomit inducing) you will see the real culprit behind this interfering bullshit.

Sustainability. The modern touchstone that allows a warped administration to do anything it likes. I have written of this evil before but we would do well to remind ourselves of the Urban Dictionary's definition of sustainafuckingbility.

Sustainability is a lens through which to view all issues. The sustainability movement encompasses environmental justice and social justice, because one cannot be obtained without the other. It means living life to the fullest without compromising future generations' ability to do so. It respects the interconectedness of all life and acknowledges the responsibility that each person has to consider the effects that his actions have on other life forms, both living and to be born.

Well for starters it is nuts and doesn't mean anything; it also contains a word that doesn't exist - interconnectedness. It induces great waves of nausea in me. But the dangerous is bit is the first sentence. 'It is a lens through which to view all issues'. So you latch onto this bollocks and you apply it to everything. Absolutely everything. You get yourself a new hammer and everything is a nail. You get this crap engraved on a bone pendant and you walk through proper people's lives and beat them with it. This bloody government has bought this crap hook line and sinker. If you are stupid enough to go any government website you find this bollocks everywhere. If anyone questions any of their loathsome controlling legislation they play their sustainability card which in their warped view trumps even a royal flush. Sustainability is their garlic with which to protect themselves from the Dracula of commonsense and pragmatism. Dickheads.

There are rumours that there are plans afoot to ban patio heaters. I will go and buy six; no, bugger it, make it a dozen. What else have they in mind? A ban on cooked food to save the planet. Salad only Wednesdays? A ban on shaving to cut down the use of both hot water and steel? Should have a lot of female politicians worried. No more building consents for anything but nikau whares? V8 vehicular conveyances to be compulsorily traded in for bicycles at the gates of the State Bicycle Factory?

So in the interests of sustainability (and probably Kyoto and carbon neutrality - the Dept. of Building and Housing is 'committed to be on the road to carbon neutrality by 2012'. Barrrf ) the government is going to tell me how much water I am allowed to have coursing through my shower roses (plural; I have six showers) This water is collected off my roof from rain. This non government supplied water is pumped by electricity from a generator in my tractor shed. This generator is mine (even paid for) and is fueled by petrol which I buy. With money. My money - or what is left of it after bloody Cullen has taken most of it from me. So you are going to tell me how much of this water thus pumped I can pass though my showers? Well no you bloody well aren't. Sod off. Sod off from my shower. Sod off from my light fixtures. Sod off from my fridge. Sod off from my wallet. Just get the fuck out of my life altogether. You do not know how to run my life better than I do and I will not allow you to even try. My dislike of you and your all controlling ways knows no bounds.

I was collecting my daughter from the Airport a couple of weekends back when she was coming home from Wellington for a couple of days. As we were waiting by the carousel for her luggage Dear Leader who had travelled on the same plane walked past. I asked my daughter if she had a baseball bat in her case. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) she did not.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008


I'll lay my cards on the table straight away and outline my qualifications for talking about things monetary. I don't have any. None at all. Quite good with hard sums when it comes to calculus and quadratic equations but when it comes to the pounds, shillings and pence I'm useless. A complete blank when it comes to currency conversions; I'm a souk vendor's delight when on me hols. Couldn't manage the accounts of a Boy Scout troop. I've no idea what is in my wallet from day to day (except I know I keep my Coastal Skippers ticket in there). Went and saw Tracey for my morning caffeine fix not half an hour ago and was mortified to find that she would not take a Coastal Skippers ticket as payment for a long black as my wallet contained zero in the cash department. This total kluts status is made up of two components; a natural ineptitude and a total lack of training. I am therefore ideally placed to comment on a gent of like kind.

Bloody Cullen is a disgrace. His revelation of 'the books' yesterday should result in his being metaphorically and literally being hung from the nearest lamp post. But what do we get from the Herald this morning? 'How will National now be able to afford its promised tax cuts?'. Cullen is getting none of the rubbishing he so richly (sic) deserves for royally stuffing up the economy. Get a complete numpty running a fatally flawed ideology and this is what you end up with.

He says he has been prudent with the purse strings. Bollocks he has. He has been spending money like a drunken sailor but has been spending it on totally useless things. He has had nine years of financial good times and he has failed to grow the economy. We have had growth of 2% or there abouts for years and he stands up there in all his arrogant smarminess and crows about it. Not bloody good enough, sunshine. We should have been having growth double or triple that. You have spent my bloody money over the last nine years on wealth redistribution (out of my pocket into bloody benefits) and expanding a totally non productive bureaucracy. Apparently government suits in Wellygogs have increased by 13 acres (I like the idea of measuring paper shufflers by area) under this mob's stewardship. And just to put the icing on this particular cake he buys the bloody trainset at about three times its real worth only a couple of months back. At this time surely even the dickheads who were doing the forecasts for him could see the economy was going down in a screaming heap. Well perhaps not as the budget (only four months ago) failed to predict the abortion that was yesterday's show all.

How can National now afford its tax cuts.? Easy just do it. It can't afford them using bloody Cullen's paradigm because that has given us nine years of economic stagnation. His stupid commie idea is that the only way to swell the gummint coffers is to increase tax rates. The idiot doesn't understand that reducing tax rates stimulates the economy and hence increase tax take. Dickhead. In my time in Singapore the most I ever paid in income tax was 24%. The lowest economic growth we had during my thirteen years there was 9%. Go figure. Sure there were other factors involved like a completely different mind set from the great unwashed when it came to work ethic but the principal remains.

Key needs to come out tomorrow and change the whole playing field when it comes to running the country's economy. Sod pandering to the media. Ignore the bloody Dear Leader who this time yesterday was praising Labour's tax cuts but painting National's as evil (there is as much logic in this as most of the things she says) and just do it. Income and company tax down big time, slash the hand outs, slash the bureaucrats even more than the benefits and start behaving like a real economy not a People's Collective. And while he is at it he should hammer home the point that nine years of Cullen and his outmoded ninety fifties commie ideas has left this contry's economy absolutley rooted.

We have a chance as Key is very successful financial wallah and bloody Cullen is a failed history teacher and first rate dickhead. I'm hoping for big things tomorrow Mr Key - grow some balls.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Michael Mouse

This is how we do it in the Peoples Republic. Any major civil engineering project we will delay like crazy before starting, delay more while we pander to the damned RMA and his mates and then build the cheapest nastiest abortion of a half solution we can find that fell off the back of a truck.

So it is with great fanfare that we hear of the solution to the carnage on the road from the bottom of the Bombay Hills to the Coromandel. SH2 past Maramarua Golf Club is an automotive killing field. 'We are going to fix it' bleat the people whose job it is to bleat such things. We have an announcement today that the new road is going to be ready early. You little bewdy. But, as always, the devil is in the detail.

Transport Agency project manager Peter Murphy (would have to be an Irishman wouldn't it?) says we are to have a 'sweeping' (terrific) two lane (I beg your pardon) road with 'ample shoulders' (sort of eighties power dresser of a road) and provision has been made to allow more "passing opportunities" over time (the final je ne sait quoi to cap off the lunacy). But there are passing lanes 'at each end'. Well whoopy do.

So let's get this straight (pardon the pun). We are replacing a bendy lethal goat track where you can't overtake with a straighter lethal goat track where you might be able to overtake at some time in the future. Terrific. And the reason we have got this joke is? The usual - lack of dosh. Or more correctly the lack of will to channel available dosh in the right direction. The initial delays were because the tenders for a proper four lane road were 'too high'. Which means they walked into the Aston Martin showroom with a the folding varieties for a Corolla and still wanted the DB9. When the guy at Independent Prestige told them to bugger off they still went and got the bloke at Albany Toyota to sharpen his pencil and we end up with the Signature Class road instead of even a brand new one - which is not as good as the one we needed in the first place. Mr Murphy even admits the new lunacy is shorter than is required as the $46 mill ran out after 3.8km and they were a few wheel barrows short of black smelly stuff to get the road to the 18th Tee.

We are destined to remain in the dark ages if we continue to build useless roads like this and then grandstand and claim them as a triumph.