Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Michael Mouse

This is how we do it in the Peoples Republic. Any major civil engineering project we will delay like crazy before starting, delay more while we pander to the damned RMA and his mates and then build the cheapest nastiest abortion of a half solution we can find that fell off the back of a truck.

So it is with great fanfare that we hear of the solution to the carnage on the road from the bottom of the Bombay Hills to the Coromandel. SH2 past Maramarua Golf Club is an automotive killing field. 'We are going to fix it' bleat the people whose job it is to bleat such things. We have an announcement today that the new road is going to be ready early. You little bewdy. But, as always, the devil is in the detail.

Transport Agency project manager Peter Murphy (would have to be an Irishman wouldn't it?) says we are to have a 'sweeping' (terrific) two lane (I beg your pardon) road with 'ample shoulders' (sort of eighties power dresser of a road) and provision has been made to allow more "passing opportunities" over time (the final je ne sait quoi to cap off the lunacy). But there are passing lanes 'at each end'. Well whoopy do.

So let's get this straight (pardon the pun). We are replacing a bendy lethal goat track where you can't overtake with a straighter lethal goat track where you might be able to overtake at some time in the future. Terrific. And the reason we have got this joke is? The usual - lack of dosh. Or more correctly the lack of will to channel available dosh in the right direction. The initial delays were because the tenders for a proper four lane road were 'too high'. Which means they walked into the Aston Martin showroom with a the folding varieties for a Corolla and still wanted the DB9. When the guy at Independent Prestige told them to bugger off they still went and got the bloke at Albany Toyota to sharpen his pencil and we end up with the Signature Class road instead of even a brand new one - which is not as good as the one we needed in the first place. Mr Murphy even admits the new lunacy is shorter than is required as the $46 mill ran out after 3.8km and they were a few wheel barrows short of black smelly stuff to get the road to the 18th Tee.

We are destined to remain in the dark ages if we continue to build useless roads like this and then grandstand and claim them as a triumph.

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