Thursday, January 24, 2008

Try as I may......

........I really am finding it very difficult to find anything to stir the mind into action. The centre of my life at the moment is the cardboard box and it is going to remain that way for a few weeks yet. I am sure I am not the first person to marvel at the amount of junk one accumulates over the years. Living in the same house for twelve years is not something I have done since schooldays (and that doesn't really count for the purposes of this) and I am astonished that I kept three metres of garden irrigation hose, umpteen pots of touch up paint for cars I no longer own, back copies of magazines I will never read, half a dozen doorstops, spare sprigs for golf shoes that hit the bin in 2001 and so on.

Back in the real world there is an utterly nauseous piece penned by History Boy in the paper this morning. He is his usual arrogant self whilst telling the proles (or the ones that his party's so called education system can get 'upskilled' enough to read, that is) that New Zealand is in such great shape economically that we will be immune from the financial woes of the rest of the world. Jumped up little git. I was just in the act of giving up on this party political broadcast by the Labour Party when Dear Leader's dulcet tones assaulted the airwaves. I of course turned to genuflect towards Mount Albert as is right and proper for a loyal cadre - yeah right. She was talking about Lady Hillary going to Windsor for the Queen's Memorial service for Sir Ed. The Tax payer is going to pic up the tab for the travel arrangements for the Hillary family. I've no problem with that. But the way she announced this was truly revealing. It was not, Cabinet has decided, or the Government has decided it was I have decided. Poisonous harridan.

There was a very readable article in the Herald yesterday, or maybe the day before, by the Japanese representative on the International Whaling Commission. I think in fact it was heavily sub edited as it read like no other piece of prose penned by a native Japanese speaker I have ever read, but no matter. He, quite rightly in my opinion, accused 'the west' of gross hypocrisy and cultural arrogance over their stance on Japanese whaling. This topic, like many emotive arguments, tends to be discussed without a recourse to examination of the facts (anthropogenic global warming, anyone?). I have never understood the anti whaling lobby. What is wrong with killing whales? If you are OK with killing cows, sheep, orange roughy or cockroaches then what is wrong with wasting a sperm whale. If you cannot for religious or spiritual reasons see it in you to buy a can of Raid then maybe I can see your point. But if you are happy to walk into The Mad Butcher for a kilo of world famous BarBQ sausages then what is your problem with a whale?

Why do people have this thing about wasting a whale or two? Is it because they are 'cuddly'? Eh? I don't fancy cuddling up to 90ft of blue whale - he rolls over in bed and you're toast. Cuddling up to an Orca - have you seen the teeth on one of those? Is it because they are 'intelligent'? They squeak. This makes them equipped to do long division does it? If you had a child whose only sign of being Bertrand Russell's natural successor was that he squeaked you would ask for your money back. Is it because they appear to live in families? This is of course a myth as the family was banned in New Zealand years ago. I assume all whales that come to our coast have to hide daddy whale when he comes back from a hard day's toil at the insurance brokers and get the lesbian basket weaving whaless from Kaikoura to fill in duties looking after all the little whalelets.

If I were a whale I would accept that any ship coming near me called Something Maru was bad news and piss of and hide hide behind a tree sharpish. That is just part of life as a whale. The world's oceans are a bloody big place and the odds are heavily stacked in the marine mammal's favour when it comes to not being found. They are intelligent, remember, so they can lay trails of breadcrumbs that lead to nasty jagged reefs for the horrid Japaneses ships to follow. Also If I were a whale I would tell all the Sea Shepherd type weird beards to get out of my ocean and stay on the land where they belong. I mean just think how much they are contributing to global warming by hooning around the Southern Ocean in their RIBs.

I've come over all esurient - a dolphin burger might hit the spot.

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