The bloody penguin won't go away. He now has a name (and no, I won't demean myself by telling you what it is) and 'could soon move from his hospital room to a pool retreat'. He's now gained weight - aren't you so relieved? We know he's a he because the damned thing had its DNA profile run. Apparently you don't sex penguins by just looking at the naughty bits but you put a dollop of blood into a PCR machine. Again, who is paying for all this crap? The nation is now committed to looking after this ornithological millstone until it mercifully dies. And that won't be allowed to happen until its been to Penguin Intensive Care during its final illness. The decision to turn off life support will have to be made at cabinet level and its eventual demise will be followed by national mourning, hand drawn cards from primary schools and shedloads of hakas. I sincerely hope we don't have to have a penguin update next week.
Auckland's transport seems to be getting more space on this blog than it deserves recently but there are two stories of note juxtaposed on A7. There is a picture of Plod (hi viz attired, naturellement) ensconced under a motorway bridge with a video camera. He is there for yours and my safety, of course. Is he, bollocks. He is there so that as well as give you a fine for jumping a red light, talking on your cellphone or eating a pie whilst driving he can cane you with demerit points. Nasty, nasty stuff. Why isn't he out catching the bad men.
Just below this there is 'Ask Phoebe'. This is a sort of Agony Aunt for Auckland type thing. My first questions would be 'Why did you let your parents give you such a daft christian name and why did you not change it by deed poll as soon as you were able?' Anyway someone has asked our fount of all metropolitan knowledge 'How do you best get on the north bound SH1 from the airport?' We are talking how do you get from New Zealand's largest Airport onto its main trunk road. One would hope the answer would be along the lines of leave the passenger terminal, get in the left lane and take the slip road onto the six lane highway. The real answer from our Phoebe? Follow SH20 to the Sandringham Rd exit (at Mairo St), go down Sandringham Rd and turn left into Mt Albert Rd. Continue along here as it becomes Carrington Road, and then left into Gt North Road. This will lead you to the Pt Chevalier onramp to SH16 citybound. Head towards the city and take the Northern Motorway offramp to SH1 North. I'm serious. There is no bloody hope for a city that has infrastructure like that and I'm saving up for a helicopter.
Front page complete with a picture montage of four picturelets is a follow up of the chap who had a leak all over a Jetstar flight to Singapore. He widdled all over the show and on a passengers scarf (got to keep warm when in Singapore) in particular. The scarf owner is rather brassed off about the whole thing. I would say she got what she paid for by flying Jetstar. As usual on a Tuesday I am typing this in the Auckland Koru Lounge and Jetstar have already cancelled their first flight of the day to Wellington. The phantom wizzer is the son of New Zealand's netball coach which apparently makes this non story the more news worthy. I don't think so. If I were the chap involved I would be keeping my head severely down and certainly not holding press conferences. This all happened a couple of weeks ago and if he had just STFU it would already be today's fish and chip paper. He says he he's very sorry (well he's not going to say otherwise) but he can't remember anything of the incident. There is a side bar to the story where a sleep researcher talks about a condition called parasomnia where you do things in your sleep with out realising it. Bollocks. Why don't we just stop all the talking nice. He was as pissed as a ferret and couldn't find the change to operate the Jetstar 'Pay as You Widdle' in-flight toilets.
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