Friday, July 29, 2011

What haven't we heard of recently?

All sorts of things, I suppose. I haven't heard a good fondue recipe for a decade or two (thank God). Shane Warne had disappeared off the planet but recently resurfaced looking like an effeminate stick. What ever happened to the paperless office? Martin Luther hasn't had much to say for himself of late; but I suppose he has an excuse being as he's been dead for over five hundred years. Anthropogenic global warming. Where's that been hiding?

Remember AGW? It was all the go, ooh, only a couple of years ago. The weird beards of the world were telling us all that the end of the world was just around the corner and it was all due to polluting the atmosphere with carbon dioxide. My running of several four litre cars was principally to blame. We had 'air miles' on imported fruit and veg in Europe so the socially responsible could buy carrots on the basis of how much fuel they used to get to Waitrose's shelves. There was a never ending stream of similar bollocks which the great unwashed swallowed hook line and sinker.

Al Gore touted his corpulent carcass all over the globe and told porkies to anyone who would listen. We had heads of government and captains industry prostrating themselves at the altar of the Almeister. Countries started wasting billions of hard earned cash on Emission Trading Schemes and Carbon Taxes. And so it went on. And still goes on I think. It was bollocks then and its bollocks now. Al Gore gets fatter and richer by the week and even scored himself the Nobel Peace Prize. Give me a break.

All this alarmist bullshit got the highest possible press profile. The Royal New Zealand Herald even used to run The Green Pages where breathless cub reporters would extol the virtues of tofu fuelled power stations and public transport. I say used to as they no longer run this rubbish. We no longer hear of Indian Ocean atolls disappearing beneath the waves. Where are all the stories of polar bear deaths and melting ice caps? These were once the darling stories of the popular press. They are no longer fashionable, they are no longer even heard of.

And why is that? It is because it was, and still is, all bullshit. As we shall see all this trendy ecobabble is being destroyed by some inconvenient truths which come to us as facts. Funny that. But is the realisation that the emperor has no clothes (and if that emperor is the Al Meister, what a hideous image that conjours up) getting the headlines the bullshit received? No.

The emissions trading scam. We here in the Land of the Long White Confidence Trick have bought into this. You know, buy and sell stuff that does not exist on the promise that if you make some more you've already paid for it and planted a tree so there won't efectively be more of it because you bought it off someone who had lots anyway and we save the planet. Sound like a scam? Well of course it does because it is. Carbon markets (save me) are closing down wholesale because it is reckoned that 90% of the trade is fraudulent. Got that? 90%.

The great white whale Al Gore, stood up and said in 2007, 2008 and 2009 that the entire North Polar Ice cap would be gone by the summer of 2014. Ludicrous though it sounded people believed him and stuck pins in wax models of Bugatti Veyrons. The polar ice caps are in fact expanding. Sure at this time of year they get smaller because it is Northern Hemisphere summer and we have one of those every year. Its the time when Al goes North to take pictures of polar bears clinging to melting ice floes; these photos to be released in January, of course to 'prove' his point. Sorry, but overall polar ice caps are bigger. Is Al Gore in jail? Next cell to Bernie Madoff would be good.

The underlying cause of all this predicted mayhem is the computer model predictions that all this carbon dioxide pollution will allow less heat to escape from the atmosphere. It all gets reflected back by this evil greenhouse gas. We've been through all the water vapour stuff before so I won't tire my fingers with it all again. If you don't understand, then Google is your friend. Well these computer predicitions are just that - mathematical modelling of what might happen. Right up there in the precision stakes with knitting fog. What about some boring old data, you know actually measuring stuff that really is happening.

Well NASA has done a bit of that with some of their satellites and stuff. NASA is good at satellites and stuff. And I'll tell you what, data over the last eleven years (so we are not talking an astronaut sticking his finger out of the space shuttle window here) has shown that the atmosphere is releasing far more heat than the doomsday computer projections would have had us believe. Well there's a shock (a bit of sarcasm thrown in there). The discrepancy between the predictions and the observations is most marked over the oceans. So there's more greenhouse bollocks down the pan. The central plank of the alarmist global warming theory has just been proven to be a complete and utter crock.

But what will we hear of this in the mainstream media? Nuffink. You could have Anders Breivik debating the alarmist case armed with nothing but bullshit against Pippa Middleton armed with a wheelbarrow full of data confounding his every preposterous claim and the papers would still report that Obald is wrecking the planet every time the XKR leaves the garage.

Keep going, we'll get there.



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